The Gospel According to Lupin
by Scandalacious Intentions
Summary: Statistically, we’re better off than most fathers and sons because it’s been proven that the human brain absorbs more from what its owner reads than what its owner hears." Teddy recieves a series of letters from his deceased father.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: Not mine. If it was, this concept would never even have needed to be considered.**

**A/N: This is I suppose, a replacement for "Requiem".**

One thing was for sure, neither Ginny, Harry, Teddy nor even Hermione (much to her consternation) could guess why thirteen was such an important age. Evidently the only person who _did_ know was Remus Lupin and there seemed little point in asking, seeing as he had passed away thirteen years ago.

"Well," said his godfather, placing a stack of envelopes all addressed to Teddy Lupin, before him, "there they are - to be delivered no later than your thirteenth birthday."

Teddy frowned in confusion, staring down at the cursive loops and trying to recognise the handwriting.

"I don't understand," he said at last.

Harry shrugged. "I thought perhaps you would know what it meant. Remember he sent you that letter when you were off to Hogwarts?"

Teddy nodded. At eleven years old, receiving a letter from your deceased father was not an experience that you were likely to forget in a hurry. Yet, here were a large stack of them, tied together with a bright blue ribbon that almost exactly matched the colour of his hair.

"Maybe these are the same sort of thing."

Teddy nodded and shrugged, not wanting to admit that he was torn between two actions. One; leaping around the room in excitement, and two; breaking down in tears.

After all, it wasn't everyday that he received letters from beyond the grave.

As soon as Harry had taken his leave, Teddy ripped open the first envelope and thought that he was incredibly lucky that his Easter holiday had began early enough to include his birthday.

_Dear Ted,_

_I sincerely hope you aren't reading this. If you are then I can only apologise but I hope you understand why I can't be there. _

"Yeah," snapped Teddy, bitter and extremely irate. "Because you're dead. It's hardly rocket science."

_Happy Birthday. If it's not your birthday, Happy Belated Birthday and also, Happy Easter. I imagine you'll be pleased, surrounded by chocolate and what not. You liked sweet things, your Mum always said that you inherited that from me but let the record state that she once ate a whole bar of Honeydukes' finest marble chocolate in one sitting so I refuse to take the blame on this one._

_I wonder if they still make marble chocolate. It's milk and white chocolate sort of mixed together and it's heaven in a bright orange wrapper. They might have had to take it out of production by now because I think I may have been the only person who bought it._

_Sorry. I tend to go off on a tangent quite often. You're probably wondering why I picked thirteen. I'm gong to take this moment to assure you that this was not a number plucked at random from my head. It was at thirteen that several major things happened to me and I'd like to think that you'll live a far more exiting life than I did. Therefore, you will no doubt be needing some fatherly advice. It's a slightly twisted way of giving it to you, but I hope it works._

_Statistically, we're better off than most fathers and sons because it's been proven that the human brain absorbs more from what its owner reads than what its owner hears. 10% more in fact. That's 10% less chance of screwing up than the other boys. I don't know about you, but I like those odds._

_When I was thirteen, I worried about Lycanthropy, a worldwide chocolate shortage, my appalling performance in Potions, and girls. I can't guarantee that you'll face the same issues but I can try and apply the theory behind my surviving puberty. _

_Lesson 1: Keep calm and carry on._

_Lesson 2: Adults (other than myself) are not to be trusted._

_Lesson 3: Neither are girls._

_Lesson 4: Creating your own hexes is always a useful way to pass the time._

_Lesson 5: If in doubt, test things on the smallest and most compliant of your friends._

_These were my commandments, written by myself and my three friends when we were, you guessed it, thirteen. I hasten to add that the smallest and most compliant member of The Marauders was not altogether in agreement with Lesson 5 but he was too busy having chewing gum shot up his nostrils to complain much. (I'll tell you about that spell later. Needless to say, it was one of my most useful attempts at my own hexes and I hope it serves you well)._

_Anyway, must be getting on with the gospel according to Lupin,_

_Much Love (an expression I have temporarily loaned from your mother),_

_Dad._


	2. Daddy rarely ever knows best

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: For anyone wondering why our favourite werewolf makes references to Teds having his Mum around, he didn't factor her following him into the equation.**

_Dear Teddy,_

_This letter won't exactly help you but you'll be wanting the truth. I'm hoping you'll refer to this in later life or that this will reassure you._

_I always said that children were out of the question. They were never on my agenda. I was an idiot and I'm far too much of a coward to even talk about it now._

_I first became excited about the prospect of having a child in November 1997. Until then, I was terrified of the very idea of you. I thought perhaps you wouldn't like me or maybe you'd have inherited my disease. _

_Nothing quite prepares you for the moment that you hold your baby for the first time. You can be as excited and/or prepared (although rarely both) as you like but when he clutches your finger or he smiles at you, there's no way that you can be prepared for that._

_It was almost as though there was an empty part of me that could not be filled until I held you. I had too much free time in which to do whatever the hell I pleased. Saturday mornings, for instance. What did I do before a hungry, screaming and incredibly fragile stranger took up my time when I ought to have been nursing a hangover before Blind Date? _

_As you may or may not know, I have always been an avid photographer. Naturally, I became one of those fathers that people absolutely detest spending time with. I had a photo collection that would suddenly make my friends unavailable for the evening. _

_No matter, I had a new best friend. He couldn't speak to me, he cried a lot, and he would fall asleep half way through the punchline of my jokes, but he was mine._

_I believe I may have just given you the (wrong) impression that I was ready for fatherhood. I was terrified but, as with all things, I gradually relaxed into it. I came to the conclusion that as long as I didn't drop you, starve you, or leave you to fend for yourself for an undeterminable period of time, then I wasn't doing you any lasting damage. _

_I think that being a father is the easy part. Being a Dad takes it onto a whole new level but it's a challenge and I love a challenge. _

_Everyone is still baffled by the fact that I actually enjoy even being woken up in the middle of the night. I want to get you back to sleep because I like watching your hair change as I do it. Your mum's nasty suspicious nature makes her wonder what the hell is going on. In fairness, it's very unlike me to rise before mid-afternoon if I've been up most of the night. _

_And yet, I could be up at four and back up at seven. There is no such thing as spending too much time with you. _

_You've settled now into pink hair, copying your mum. On anyone else it would look ridiculously out of place. You pull it off though, no worries. What I like best though, is when you can't change it. I like watching you sleep and ever so slowly your hair changes back to this coppery colour. That's the colour mine used to be, except mine used to be quite a pale rusty colour and yours is much darker. _

_Don't let anyone tell you that you're naturally ginger. You're not a Weasley, you're a Lupin. You have auburn hair and make no mistake. Sirius always used to laugh and tell me "You're far too middle class to be ginger". God bless him and keep him, he was right. _

_Everyone always assumes that the worst thing about fatherhood is changing, and if they don't agree with that, they'll tell you it's the sleepless nights. Anyone who tells you that is lying. _

_I actually laughed in James Potter's face when he told me that the most terrifying thing about fatherhood was dressing the baby. Oh how I regret it now. _

_It was only a few weeks ago that I first made an attempt to dress you. Boy, can you move, Ted. Just as my father did with me, I have found you a career; Olympic Gymnast. _

_Your feet don't stop kicking and your hands keep grabbing everything you see. You went for my fringe yesterday. I refused to speak to you for hours but your mum reminded me that you wouldn't know what I was doing. I was forced to swallow my pride and borrow an Alice-band to keep it out of reach. _

_You might be wondering why I had a sudden urge to dress you so quickly. Well, I wanted to take you out. I wanted to show you off to my friends. I told everyone that you looked like your mother. You didn't, Ted. You had my hair, my nose, the makings of a long neck and there was no question of a doubt, you definitely had my cheekbones. You had your mum's eyes though. Good. You wouldn't like mine. I hated them. You had her face-shape too and her widow's peak._

_The first people I wanted to take you to were my best friends, obviously. I could picture the looks on their faces. _

_Unfortunately, I had to make do with picturing. Instead, I took you to the Weasleys where, if Molly had her way, you would still be even now. _

_The second reason was that your mum had picked up a tiny pair of black Converse trainers that I tampered with a little. I dyed the laces electric blue. I did the same thing with my black converse trainers when I was the age you are now, although mine had to be done the Muggle way and I had bright blue fingers for a long time. I was nicknamed Smurf for a week. _

_Anyway, I was quite keen to get both you and the shoes out of the house before she realised I'd done it._

_That can be the lesson of this letter, Ted. Do not attempt to lie to your mother. You will fail._

_As will I occasionally. Obviously, not all of this advice is going to work. Just because assuming that you're reading this, I'm dead, does not mean that I am always right. It doesn't make me God, however much fun it would be._

_So take these with a pinch of salt. After all, they've only been written as morbid precaution. We are in the middle of a war after all. _

_Needless to say, Daddy doesn't always know best._


	3. Lycra and Glass

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_Ted,_

_I'm afraid I have not been able to dictate your Quidditch Team of choice. I always said that a man's team should be chosen with a local map and a ruler. If they're your local team, you support them. _

_However, Devon didn't have one that I much cared to be seen supporting. I am not by any means a fickle man and nor am I a 'Fair-weather Friend', but when facing the prospect of being an avid supporter of a team whose motto had been changed from "We shall conquer" to "Let's all just keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best", I wasn't overly keen. _

_So mine became the Holyhead Harpies because if I was ever asked why I supported them when they were a bit rubbish themselves, I had the excuse that they were a team of girls. _

_The fact that they were a team of girls who wore an awful lot of Lycra back in the late sixties, may also have contributed to their being chosen but I don't like to admit a bias._

_I used to play Keeper. When I say that, I mean that when my friends and I attempted to play Quidditch, we'd do it as two, two men teams. I would be Keeper and Seeker because I had good hand to eye co-ordination. But because Peter was so crap, I'd usually end up playing Chaser and Beater too. It's no mean feat, playing four different positions simultaneously._

_One year, I was even dragged (quite literally – get Harry to show you some pictures) into playing as the Keeper Substitute for my House Team. It was an experience I am never likely to forget. I am still amazed that we managed to win. I am further amazed by my being appointed Keeper for the rest of the term - I think James had something to do with that. He kept telling me I needed to get out more and this might have been his idea of helping me. Needless to say, as soon as the new school year started, I avoided trials as I suppose you might avoid chronic depression. _

_However, playing for your House Team is always the epitome of cool and I suggest you give it a try at least once. The boys suddenly want to be your best mates and the girls won't leave you alone, which is of course fantastic. _

_If you don't already know what position you're best at, get Harry to take you somewhere remote and try not to kill things. _

_It wasn't too difficult for me. I knew that if I was anything, I would be Keeper or Seeker because I used to have superb eyesight, I don't know what's happened to it these days, and I could catch._

_It was something of a long standing joke in my family. My mother, bless her, never quite grasped Quidditch but my father was an avid fan, and boy, do I mean avid. So as soon as he found out that I had this ability; that was it. I would play for England if he had anything to do with it. _

_He used to throw me things that I asked for just to check that I was honing my skills. If I wanted the salt, I'd have to catch it. His favourite test was having me forget something from upstairs. He'd always volunteer to get it for me but he would throw it over the banister and I would have to take a running leap at it. He would usually pick something that was incredibly valuable to me and throw that too._

_I used to collect glass figurines of the Harpies just because it was the sort of thing that I did back then. I didn't have a lot of friends (I'll admit it, I didn't have any) and therefore, I didn't have a lot of hobbies either. It's a slippery slope._

_Anyway, I soon got wise to this. I was tempted to put a lock on my door but there was nothing, and I really do mean nothing, my dad wouldn't be able to get past. I only wish you could meet him. You'd be the apple of his eye. He thought I was a bit square, I think. He would turn you into a hell-raiser._

_So anyway, he would throw these little glass figures off the top landing and I would always jump for them. I'd always catch them too. It used to drive my mum absolutely batty. I hope you get to meet my mum. She's (as Sirius used to say) immense. _

_Moral of the long-winded story is: don't live with a man who has a slight obsession with Quidditch (if you are living with Harry, get out now while there's still time). Or perhaps it's: don't be so sad as to collect glass figurines. _

_Assuming you know what you're best at and assuming that you're any good at that (which you will be because I'm hoping you've inherited something more than my cheekbones), you'll be trying out for the team._

_Make sure you have your own broom. Riding the school's Cleansweep is never a good idea. The Slytherins will laugh at you (that is to say, they will if you're not in Slytherin) and you're opponents will make you the butt of all their jokes (unless your opponents are Hufflepuffs and they'll only spare you because not all of them are comfortable with wit)._

_Your own broom cannot be a Cleansweep. A Nimbus is a good idea, but it has to be the newest model. There's no point buying an ancient 2001 and hoping for the best. That said, my first match was played on the school's Cleansweep One and yes, I was laughed at until the crowd was in tears but they soon shut up when I started saving goals. _

_Just be good at what you do. Be good at what you do and own a decent broomstick for the love of God!_

_Love and luck,_

_Dad._


	4. The Blame Game

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_Teddy,_

_My first detention was shortly after I met James and Sirius (hereafter known as The Damned) because they were a tremendously bad influence upon me. _

_It was the first time I had ever really had friends and even then, they hated me as soon as they saw me. I used to stutter when I was nervous and "nervous" on my first day was not even the word. _

_Sirius later told me that he thought I was 'a bit of a Peter' which was our terminology for someone who was a total dweeb. I hope times haven't changed so much that you don't know 'dweeb' but it means someone who is socially inept. That someone in our group was always Peter, though if he hadn't joined us it would have been me, who could always be relied upon to say something completely inappropriate at precisely the wrong moment to do so. _

_James, as would become typical of him, was an absolute prat but his heart was in the right place. He was very nice to me considering I made no secret of hating his new friend with a burning passion. _

_As you know (or at least you should if you've been reading these in the right order), I had no social experience let alone friends at that time. The best I assumed I could hope for was someone taking pity on me and allowing me to sit with them occasionally. _

_Thankfully, in Charms we were given a seating plan and told to stick to it. This seating plan shaped my life, no word of a lie. I might even go as far as to say that it shaped yours too. _

_If I hadn't been made to sit beside Sirius Black, I highly doubt that I would have been a Marauder. Therefore, Peter probably wouldn't have been allowed to tag along. If I hadn't been a Marauder then my 'furry little problem' (James' terminology, not mine) would never have been an issue and the other three would not have been breaking the law, thus making it harder for Peter to get away with what he did. So, in a twisted manner of speaking, it's all entirely Professor Flitwick's fault._

_Anyway, if I hadn't been made to sit by Sirius Black, I probably wouldn't have met your mum. _

_I most certainly wouldn't have had the record that I did at school. I believe I led the school in detentions. James and Sirius were nearly always caught because neither of them had any sense of scale. Sirius once stole an entire suit of armour and left it in his bedroom at home. It was usually revealed that I had played a crucial part in the scheme. _

_Just why on earth I was then made a Prefect is beyond me. In fact, it mystified half of the staff. I believe in fact, the only person who knew why I was appointed was Albus Dumbledore and I get the impression that I was chosen only because my tie looked empty without a badge and someone had to rein in my friends. _

_Someone also had to be the Gryffindor Prefect and due to their appalling behaviour, James and Sirius were not the obvious choice. The fact that Peter would shirk responsibility as one might shirk a prison sentence and wouldn't say boo to a goose, didn't say much in his favour. So it was left to me because the librarian liked me and I seemed to spend most of my time with my head in a book (which was true). I actually mastered the skill of walking whilst reading._

_Unfortunately, said books were usually borrowed from the Restricted Section in the middle of the night by James with an invisibility cloak or in the middle of the afternoon by me with a winning and innocent smile._

_I cannot recommend that smile enough. It will get you out of heaps of trouble. People will want to do you favours. Girls will say that you are sweet and spend all their time asking for homework help. It might even get you a shiny badge. _

_The only thing it won't do is stop Argus Filch believing that you are the anti-Christ. _

_Everything was blamed on me. If Filch couldn't find something, I'd stolen it. If there was a crash in the hallway, I'd let off a firework. If there was a trail of mud in a patch he had cleaned, I'd been bringing my filth in with me. _

_I do not deny the truth behind these accusations but I would like to take this chance to say that it was in fact the fault of The Damned. _

_This was all the result of a prank gone awry in our first year. The Damned had somehow got it into their heads that Mr. Filch's cat was possessed. Why Peter and I were deemed a crucial part of the exorcism, I will never know. _

_I refused to take part and was put on lookout duty. For once, I grew a spine and told them I was having no part in it. James told me to go then before he fed me to the cat and as I turned the corner, who should I walk straight into, other than Argus Filch. _

_Naturally, he disliked all children, especially little boys, but of all the children he didn't like, I believe that he especially favoured me. He reserved a very special kind of hate for me._

_I remember the words, "What are you doing out of bed?" and after that, I have a vague memory of myself and the other three being dragged down the hallway (by James singing along to 'We're off to see the Wizard!' which obviously didn't go down well with McGonagall) to the Headmaster's office. Such a vague memory is probably the result of my attempts to block it out and pretend that it never happened. _

_But it did happen. That was the reason that he hated me. He thought I had organised an exorcism on his poor, darling cat on whom he doted. _

_That was why he tried to get me into as much trouble as possible. Luckily for me, both my Head of House and the Headmaster had a slightly soft spot for me that got me out of a hell of a lot of awkward situations. _

_However, for being involved (even with a conscience) I was given a detention and I never looked back. I was supposed to be scrubbing bedpans but Madam Pomfrey let me off that one and instead, I was allowed to be her willing slave._

_My duties included running after her when she called me, usually carrying large amounts of highly potent medicines, and organising her bottles. That was it. I was usually sent for by either my Head of House, my Charms Professor or Madam Pomfrey. _

_McGonagall (Head of Gryffindor) was certainly fairer but even then, all I had to do was write lines. Her particular favourite and one that I still remember now was: 'I must not take leave of my senses'. _

_Oddly (at least I thought it was odd until I had served my first detention with him), I was frequently assigned to Professor Flitwick after my sixth year. This was the year that Filch managed to grab the map. I spent hours wondering what Flitwick could possibly want with me. _

_You see, I had made the foolish mistake of owning up to working on the Marauders Map and consequently, Flitwick congratulated me on a charm well performed. In fact, every time I was given a detention with him, charms were the reason I was there. He would demand a blow by blow account of the affair, congratulate me, give me a minor lecture, congratulate me again, and I would be free to go._

_Meanwhile, Peter (an avid and it has to be said, exceptional potioner) was always called to Slughorn where he had the same sort of experience. _

_Sirius could usually sweet talk his way out of most things and as a result, was always assigned to either McGonagall or Filch. I believe Filch would have actually whipped him if he had been allowed. _

_James was usually to be found either in the middle of the Forest or the Library. Madame Pince took great pleasure in finding him either the most menial jobs that bored him senseless or the most terrifying jobs that made his hair stand on end for days. Once, he encountered a bat in there (don't ask, he was petrified of them) and he had to sit down and quietly shake for hours. _

_I'm not going to tell you to stay squeaky clean and never wind up scrubbing bedpans but at least get on someone's good side before you do your detention. Usually, they'll ask for you and you'll have it easy._

_Don't try it too often._

_Keep smiling that winning and innocent smile._

_When all else fails, blame it on Peter Pettigrew._

_Love,_

_Dad._


	5. Possibly the Best Birthday Ever!

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Every now and again, one of these chapters will crop up because Ted's reactions would be nice, right? Thanks to jenanistonrockz for prompting me into posting this because I wasn't sure whether these would work.**

"What have you been doing all day? Come on, the cavalry's downstairs."

Teddy leapt to his feet, eying the pile of unread letters and breathing a sigh of relief. He didn't want to run out of them. It was almost like gaining a friend and slowly learning all of his innermost secrets. Obviously, he would rather have spent today with his own mother and father but Ginny and Harry were easily the next best thing.

"By the way," said Teddy, allowing Harry to slip an arm around his shoulders (while he could still reach) and lead him along the landing. "Dad says you have to buy me the new Nimbus because I can't be seen dead riding the school's Cleansweep."

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Oh he does, does he? I've got a good mind to write back, he's costing me a small fortune."

Not understanding what on earth Harry was talking about, Teddy nodded and hummed vaguely. The answer to this mysterious comment was waiting for him on the table, neatly wrapped and hardly inconspicuous.

"You bought me a broomstick?"

Harry smiled oddly. "Not just any broomstick."

Teddy gasped and tore open the wrapping. His hands almost caressed the handle and he slowly turned to face Harry.

"This is…unbelievable. How did you know?"

Harry winked. "I started off with the newest Nimbus too. Besides, it's an investment. When you're a famous Quidditch player, you can pay me back."

Ginny pursed her lips, reigning in her sons who were both gawping at the broom on the table. "Watch your pockets, Ted. He's had the knuts out of James' money box."

"When the upstairs bathroom has been repaired then I'll stop obsessing about his pocket money." He grinned at Teddy. "And I'll take you out on it tomorrow. I'll teach you to seek."

"Actually, I'd quite like to be a Keeper."

Harry smiled to himself. Words could not say how much he wanted to read those letters. Words could not say how jealous he was that Teddy had them. He only wished his father had left him some, although his father had not been as paranoid as Remus. Still, if nothing else it would have made for more interesting literature than an out of date television magazine.

"Okay, well I don't know a lot about that but I'll do what I can."

Teddy grinned. This was quite possibly the best birthday ever, with the possible exception of the year his grandmother had bought him a Guinea-pig.

It was almost midnight by the time the Weasleys had left, Albus had finally been overcome by sleep and Ginny had attempted to bribe James into bed.

Too excited at the prospect of the next letter to sleep, Teddy sat at his desk and hurriedly tore open the envelope.

"Are they from your dad?"

Teddy rolled his eyes. "Jamie, your Mum told you to go to bed."

James, at the troublesome age of eight, was not scared by this. Troublesome was at least the word Teddy would have chosen because it was almost as soon as James Potter had turned eight that he stopped thinking Teddy was God. He stopped doing what he was told. He stopped following him around which, much as Teddy denied it, actually made him feel pretty cool and he missed it.

"How can your dad send them? He's dead, isn't he?"

Teddy blinked, digesting this. "James, you don't say that to someone. That's just...stupid."

James frowned. "I don't understand."

"Good. It's not for you to understand. It's for me so bugger off!"

"Ommmm."

Teddy rolled his eyes. "Oh please, grow up."

James smirked. "No."

"James, go to bed."

"No."

Teddy sighed. "Okay, stand there all night then. Let's see who gets bored first."

Silence.

"Teddy, can I see some?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Teddy took a deep breath. "Because they're for me and also, to a lesser extent, because they're PG 13."

James smiled. "Can I see them when I'm thirteen?"

Teddy nodded, hoping against hope that it would shut him up. Seriously, how childish could this kid be?

James threw himself onto Teddy's bed and propped himself up with a pillow.

"Oh, make yourself at home why don't you?"

James smiled at him. "I miss you. It's so boring without you."

Finally, he earned himself a smile; the winning and innocent smile that had been so earnestly recommended.

"I imagine you've found ways to amuse yourself." Realising he had been sharp with him, guilt swept through Teddy. "You can always write to me, you know. I'll write back."

James nodded and suppressed a yawn.

"James, do you think it's time you went to-"

Teddy couldn't bring himself to wake him. Besides, now he could get some reading done.


	6. Vitamin A helps you work, rest and play

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_Dear Teddy,_

_We come to what is probably the most exiting of these letters, at least from your perspective. _

_My first foray into the world of alcohol came when I was ridiculously young and faking sobriety was a skill that I had not yet even heard of. In fact, it became a skill that I never quite managed to hone. I would go as far as to say that in some cases, I didn't even know how to spell my name let alone how to fake sobriety. That said, it's difficult to spell your name when you can't even remember what it is._

_In fact, illicit alcohol and drugs became a major part of my life with The Damned. Smoking (tobacco being my drug of choice) in particular, I hated because it tasted absolutely foul, but it was just the done thing. Everyone was smoking. After the age of thirteen, I was rarely seen without a cigarette unless I was in the presence of my father. I didn't have time to smoke when my Dad was around; I was too busy trying to catch things. _

_The one occasion in which I contemplated dabbling into the world of illegal drugs ended with me taking a few pills, wondering why I was completely unaffected, reading the side of the bottle and realising I'd been attempting to get absolutely off my face with a handful of my mother's Vitamin A tablets. On the plus side, my eyesight improved dramatically. For five days, I could practically see in the dark. _

_After that, I thought (quite sensibly) that drugs were generally a bad idea and certainly an area in which I should never attempt to dabble again._

_I did, however, continue to smoke with renewed vigour. By '75, I loved smoking and smoking loved me. I spent four months doing little else than leaning out of the window and blowing smoke rings through one another, obliterating the cigarette butt with the blades of a hand-held fan. I thought this made me cool. I was probably the only person under this impression._

_So smoking was going well. A cigarette coupled with a leather jacket and two immensely popular and decidedly attractive friends, makes you look very cool. Not cool enough for me to condone your doing so though. I'm the biggest hypocrite around - just ask your mum._

_Drinking was another story altogether. I still had not managed to hold my alcohol by the time I was thirty-four. Your mother had to wake me at four o'clock in the afternoon with a cold flannel. I had passed out in, for some unfathomable reason, the bathroom on Sirius' thirty-fifth birthday and spent the morning of November 19th asleep on the tiles. _

_In fact, it became something of a challenge for my friends. We would sneak out a lot and Sirius who at the age of fourteen looked approximately twenty-five, would buy Firewhiskey. He and James would smuggle it in and I would look the other way. A lot of people seemed to be under the impression that I was obsessed with the flooring. The amount of times I spent staring at my shoes so I could pretend I hadn't seen them remains uncountable. _

_Anyway, their idea of a drinking game was to see how much I could drink before my eyeballs changed colour. It wasn't a very exciting game. In fact, it only lasted about three and a half minutes. _

_All drinking was led by Sirius Black. He was quite possibly the most party-ready human being that the earth has even known. I have never known anyone so at home with intoxicants. He talked about liquor brands as though they were close personal friends of his._

_My mother, being a Muggle and also a music teacher, introduced me to music that the others had never heard of before. The Sex Pistols were a favourite of mine, as were The Ramones, The Who, and Queen. _

_In '75, Queen released a song that would forever be a source of embarrassment for me. Bohemian Rhapsody became my party trick. You see, I was (I'll take this moment to tell you how hard it is to write about myself in past tense) always good at imitating people and my particular specialty was voices. At every party we went to, I would be called upon to sing this song (if you haven't heard it, buy it) in a variety of voices. Being half-cut, I naturally always agreed. There was usually a video of it the next morning and there were always pictures._

_When I was sixteen, I managed to get a job in a cocktail bar in Hope Cove for the summer. I had the time of my life. I still remember how to mix most drinks and I'm still pretty good at the whole shaking routine. _

_I was something of a pretty-boy in my teens and it is my sorry duty to report that I became a rather eager victim of sexual harassment. Let it never be said that sexism is dead. As long as there are teenage boys in tight trousers serving women in their forties Bloody Maries, there will be sexism. _

_It was during my time as an underage barman in The Oyster Catcher that I learnt several chat up lines that served me very well in later life. I say later life, I mean in September when I went back to school. _

_But that's another story that I'll have to tell you when I feel less guilty about sharing said chat-up lines with a hormonal teenage boy._

_Happy embarrassment,_

_Dad._

_P.S. Do what you like but on no account tell your mother that I not only condoned it but in a way, actively encouraged it. _


	7. The Fair Maiden's Mother's Car

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_Ted,_

_I'll save the stuff about girls until I stop blushing at the thought of writing it. I don't blush on a regular basis, by the way. Have no fear. Your father is not a pansy. _

_When you do meet (what are they calling it these days?) 'The One', you can bet it will be the oddest and least convenient time possible; as is the way with us Lupins. _

_If you settle down with a girl whom you believe you love and you aren't mortally embarrassed every time you think back to your meeting and start to wonder why she is even willing to be seen with you, then you've done it wrong. _

_My dad used to tell me the story of how he met my mother on a regular basis. In fact, it was every time we were snowed in and my dad wanted an excuse not to go into work, which got a bit boring and wasn't really the sort of thing I wanted to hear when I was a teenager._

_I'm going to pass a little of that boredom down to you. _

_My mum was a Muggle, as you should know if you've paid attention, and my dad's family were always baffled. He refused to say how and where he had met her and it has to be said, my mum was quite a looker and I imagine they were beginning to wonder whether he had confunded her._

_She was a few years younger than he was, three to be precise, and she had me when she was very young by today's standards. Hence the reason why we shared music tastes, although she felt she was too old for plastic trousers (the punk movement – don't ask. I'll come to it later), and we got on splendidly. _

_My mother would laugh and contradict my dad as often as possible, usually at points when he had dramatised the situation ridiculously (he rather fancied himself as her knight in shining armour) and taken several liberties. He changed their location to a remote, axe murderer riddled lane when in fact they were in a busy car park and assured me that he had not even the light of the stars (probably because he had bright sunlight to do the job for them) to guide him on his quest to save "the fair maiden" or as my mother put it, "to save the fair maiden's mother's car"._

_My mum had broken down on her way out of the supermarket. It was 1958 and she was one of the few cars on the road. She panicked because she wasn't supposed to be driving. She had been lazy (that's the thing about Devon, everywhere is in walking distance) so she had no excuse._

_She had stolen my grandmother's car (or, to use my mum's terminology, borrowed it without her permission) and trust me, my grandmother was not the sort of person you would get on the wrong side of if you had even the slightest trace of a brain cell in your head. This was the woman who threw her sixteen-year-old daughter out onto the street with nowhere to go when she was four months pregnant - because she was four months pregnant. She utterly despised my father. I have never seen so much hate in a person's eyes._

_So she was in an awful lot of trouble. She had no idea what was wrong with it and wouldn't have known what to do to fix it even if she had, or so she assures me. My dad said that she had temporarily forgotten how to be independent (my mum was something of a feminist and this became a long standing joke) because a tall, handsome man had arrived on the scene. After this little quip, I was under the impression that he had indeed confunded her for quite some time._

_At this point, my dad would be beaten with whatever my mum could get her hands on (usually a spatula) or a cat would be dumped on his lap (he hated the cats and this was the ultimate punishment). _

_And so grudgingly, he would continue; prising Tchaikovsky (claw by incredibly sharp claw) from his lap and throwing him at me (see what I mean? He was obsessed with me catching things!). _

_Anyway, he approached my mother because she appeared to be in some difficulty. He used to say that he was hooked the moment she looked into his eyes. It always sounded so cliché but I think it was true. I inherited those eyes and your mum said the same thing to me._

_Where was I? Oh yes, she looked into his eyes. He told her to get in the car and he would take a look at it. I wondered why on earth he had volunteered because without magic (and you'd be surprised how often he would leave his wand on the dressing table) he was not exactly a D.I.Y. master. If you do ever meet my mother, for goodness sake, ask her to show you the chicken shed. My dad built that. I was always terrified of it. He'd put barbed wire around it to keep out foxes and it looked like a P.O.W camp. When I was about four, I only had to hear the words, "Remus, could you collect the eggs?" and I'd burst into tears._

_He could do nothing without breaking the Secrecy Act and in a moment of sheer ingenuity, told her he would need several entirely fictional tools and sent her round the shop to look for them whilst he switched the tyres. _

_By the time she had come back in floods of tears, wailing that she couldn't find them, he had fixed it and was reading The Daily Prophet, propped up against her car._

_At the time, my mother was fifteen and so not only did she not have permission to drive the car, it was also illegal for her to be doing so. The relief that he had realised (too late to call her back, naturally) that all she needed was to replace a tyre, was apparently immeasurable and she asked how she could thank him. He told her she could buy him a drink (not realising how young she was) and the rest is history._

_My dad never told me what he was doing in that supermarket car park. He was a pureblood and didn't even know how Muggle money worked. Trouble and adventure followed my father around wherever he went so I always assumed that he had gone for a walk and ended up there. God's honest truth, that's what usually happened. Things just happened around my father. Everyone always used to say he was just the man to have around in a crisis because he always knew what to do. He'd just been in so many crises that he kept calm. I always used to think that if my father wasn't around in a crisis, it probably wouldn't have happened in the first place. _

_If my mum hadn't taken the car, neither of us would be here. It's a funny old world, isn't it?_

_I met your mother (as an adult) at what is probably Harry's house; Grimmauld Place. She literally fell into my arms. If I hadn't moved the Umbrella Stand of Doom out of my bedroom only minutes before she arrived, I might have been alone and childless for the rest of my life._

_It had been quite a while since I'd touched a female in any small way and I remember thinking that it was an incredible coincidence. By the time I realised that I was just a little bit in love with her (i.e. by the time I went to bed), I was calling it fate._

_However, the very first time me and your mother met, she was four. I was seventeen and I am now cringing. _

_She hated me. I was babysitting with her cousin and she was not pleased that her mother and father were leaving her out of things. I'm wondering if you have watched a horror film called 'Dracula' because if you have, you'll know what she looked like when she laid eyes on me._

_Eventually, Sirius and I managed to coax her hair into a reddish colour and her eyes went from black to hazel. She still refused to make eye contact with me or even speak to me, but it was progress._

_I still don't know what Sirius did or said, but by the time I came out of the living room, she was throwing plates at him and I took photographs of it._

_If that isn't an awkward meeting, I don't know what is. _

_So if you're ever in the presence of a girl that you might like to marry, my advice is to do something stupid or inappropriate. You can't fail then. May I suggest building her a chicken coop? If you're anything like my old man, it'll probably make her too afraid to leave you._

_Love,_

_Dad._


	8. Sister Matic's Office

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_Ted,_

_In 1966 I was in a classroom. My mum was a Catholic and because of that, so were me and my dad. _

_St. John's Primary School was run by nuns. To this day, I still get shivers when I see a nun. Sister Act is not the family fun that it masquerades as and that's all I'm saying on the matter._

_I don't even remember their names so I hope you don't mind if I make them up. I will run out of gags pretty soon and they'll start getting a little more normal. In the mean time, let's call my teacher Sledge._

_So I was sitting in the classroom and Sister Sledge was trying to get me to think of a one letter word. _

"_Remus," she said (very patiently when you consider the circumstances), "who is the most important person in your world?"_

_Well, that was easy, suspiciously so._

"_John Lennon, Sister."_

_Lennon was the man I idolised throughout my childhood. He was the lead singer of a band called The Beatles and I adored them. Obviously, Dad was God but Lennon was a sort of second in command, a bit like Jesus. In fact, he reminds me of Jesus. There are a lot of similarities. Both were killed before they were around forty. Both were willing to 'Give Peace a Chance'. Both had beards._

_I was sent to the Cloakroom for that. In fact, I spent a lot of my time in that Cloakroom for reasons that Sister Sledge chose to keep to herself. Still, this was no great hardship. My parents were hardly ever strict with me, I don't think either of them really knew how to be, so I never got in any trouble for it and I was also able to snoop amongst my classmates' belongings and snacks. _

_However, I was regularly in trouble with the Headmistress, Sister Matic. She kept a life-sized crucifix outside her office and often I believed she was building one for me to hang there. I find my thoughts drifting back to her sometimes. Was she really making a cross? Is she making it still?_

_I didn't have friends there and the other children would often get me in trouble on long afternoons to break the day up a bit. It gave them an interesting show to watch. I had only one friend and even then, he couldn't exactly be called a friend but he was often in trouble as often as I was and we'd talk amongst ourselves to the best of our abilities while we waited for Sister Matic to prepare her instruments of torture._

_That's a figure of speech, by the way. If your Primary School teacher put you on The Rack, tell Harry._

_If she had even laid a finger on me, my mother would have killed her and I don't mean 'slapped her about a bit' I mean 'put her in the ground'. Once, the boys in my year decided they were going to give me a black eye and Sister Sledge just stood there and watched it. She was a Catholic and she bullied me herself. Stepping would be considered hypocrisy and hypocrisy is a sin. So my mother broke her nose. She came home with blood all over her knuckles and told me that I wouldn't have any further problems._

_My mum was insanely protective and she knew that Sister Sledge just didn't like me. That was the crux of it. She hated me so she sent me to the headmistress on a regular basis. Unfortunately, Sister Matic thought I was a trouble maker and I was always found in her office. _

_It was a source of bewilderment to my friends. I was rather good at magic and I was top of the class in most of my subjects (with the exception of Potions) but I could only manage basic maths. My vocabulary, due to my love of reading, was pretty advanced but I would pale at the mere thought of long division._

_Well, that was why. I was never in any classes. I was in Sister Matic's office being sworn at in Latin._

_One year, some of the boys decided to send her a Valentine card from Jesus to see if they could sweeten her up a bit. Naturally, I was blamed for it. Tired of being bullied by her relentlessly, I made the crucifix fall on her head. There was a moment of amusement as she fell backwards, her eyes glazed over, and then it gave way to pure horror. If things had worked out differently, your dad could have been a killer._

_As it was, she got up, slapped me round the back of the head, condemned me to an eternity of servitude with buggers and single mothers in hell and (funnily enough) never summoned me to her office again. This might have been the result of the concussion or the knowledge that Sister Sledge was saving her pennies for a nose-job._

_I've just had a thought. That was a pretty good idea - choosing the crucifix. I think I could have successfully passed that off as an Act of God had the need arisen. _

_It was just as well I was accepted into Hogwarts because there was no way in hell the nuns would have let me further my education in St. Joseph's (the local Catholic High School)._

_So, just in case you choose Catholicism (and I seriously don't blame you if you don't), the most important lesson is:_

_Never, and I mean never, trust a nun. _

_Or, alternatively:_

_In times of hardship, stand under a life-sized model of the cross._

_Follow these basic rules and you shouldn't go far wrong. Anyway, the reason I'm telling you this is because it was at thirteen that I began to question not only the hypocrisy of the Catholic Church but also the existence of God._

_It was when I was thirteen that I first experienced prejudice towards werewolves. A book was published in 1973 called 'Werewolf Attacks and How to Deal with Them'. _

_Foolishly, despite the advice of James and Peter, I read it. I was absorbed in it. I couldn't sleep at night. I was lucky enough to barely remember the sensation of being bitten but the vague memory of the werewolf who had bitten me was intensified by the images the book brought to mind._

_If you should go looking for the book, Ted, I won't object. I will not be disappointed in you. Just in case you do read it, I will inform you that, as a werewolf myself, the whole thing is the biggest load of commercial bullshit in existence. I do not condone your use of such language but in this case, I believe I will make an exception. _

_The book twisted my memory of that night. I began to picture the werewolf and having seen pictures of Fenrir Greyback, the most notorious werewolf in history, I recognised his eyes although I would not piece Greyback and the werewolf who bit me together until I was told about that night four years later._

_I wondered how (if there was a God) He could allow a six year old child to live the life of an outcast. I had done nothing sinful and I worshipped Him. Why was it I who was chosen to be hated by the world? Why was it I who was chosen to suffer? I had come down with a case of Poor Me Syndrome. _

_It was only when I turned to The Bible (looking for any missing pages that might declare the book to be a work of fiction) that I realised that God had chosen his own son to live a life of suffering. I thought He was a bit ruthless and vowed to be nicer to my own father, who had never once threatened me with crucifixion, but nevertheless, I returned to my faith and my God but I made a few amendments to my religion._

_I hope I'm not patronising you, kid. _

_Catholicism involves Priests praying for you because one is not worthy to speak to God Almighty. A Catholic worships his Priest perhaps more than he ends up worshipping his God._

_So I did away with the middle man and prayed myself. I started to talk to God as though we were childhood friends. He knew me inside and out. I attended Confession, for Heaven's sake. He knew everything about me. _

_Confession, Ted, is basically sitting behind a panel and opening your heart, recounting your sins to your Parish Priest who knows your voice anyway. After telling Father Fairchild one summer that I was having very sinful thoughts about a girl in my class at school, he winked at me the following Sunday. That sealed it for me. _

_I no longer attended Confession, which was just as well because a) I was at Boarding School and only attending for a quarter of a year was starting to annoy Father Fairchild and b) I had befriended James and Sirius, so my list of sins was rapidly increasing._

_I adapted it so that I could look at girls without feeling like I was betraying God. I adapted it so I could share a room with boys without feeling like I ought to burn in hell. I adapted it so I could relax with girls and not have to worry about how far things went. I adapted it so my friends could lie on my bed with me without my God assuming that I was gay._

_I believe in God. I still pray even now but I no longer attend Church. I check in every now and again but it's nothing serious. When I need Him, I ask for help. When I don't need Him, then I'm sure He appreciates the alone time that I give Him. _

_If you decided that there isn't a God then I don't mind. I came so close to coming to the same conclusion._

_If you decide that he does exist but you don't want to have to comply with the strict and admittedly hypocritical laws of the religion, then you can adapt them. It's worked for me so far._

_And if you end up as a Jehovah's Witness, I will haunt you until you start celebrating Christmas._

_Obviously I'm joking._

_I love you and I always will, no matter what you decide._

_Dad._


	9. A Hate Campaign

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Thanks again to all my reviewers. I will remember to reply one day!**

Mornings were difficult with Teddy around. Whilst Al always did as he was told and mumbled about it under his breath, James was openly rebellious. Rebellion was always intensified around Teddy. Harry thought he had rather brought it upon himself; naming the boy James Sirius. What had he been thinking? It was almost an open invitation to misbehave.

"James!"

James Potter groaned in his state of semi-sleep and rolled out of bed, startling Teddy who was unaware that he had fallen asleep at his desk.

"James!"

Scrambling to his feet and throwing the tangled duvet off him, James ignored his mother's calls and turned to Teddy.

"What am I doing in here?"

Teddy massaged his neck and winced as he heard it click back into place. "Damn good question, Potter."

"James!"

"I think your mum wants you." Teddy grabbed him by the elbow and frogmarched him out of his room. "He's on his way, Mrs. P!"

"Morning, Ted! Breakfast?"

James scowled. "How come Teddy doesn't get screamed for?"

Teddy grinned at him. "Because she's not responsible for my nutrition." He leant over the banister. "No, Gin. Thanks, but I'm not hungry."

Traipsing back to his room, Teddy collapsed onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. He wasn't sure what time he had fallen asleep but it was now obvious that anything less than eight hours sleep did not agree with him.

"God give me strength," he muttered and fought a yawn.

"I feel that way sometimes," said his godfather, leaning on the doorframe.

Teddy leapt to his feet and flattened his bright blue hair.

"Where did you sleep?"

Teddy nodded in the direction of the chair and clutched his neck, closing his eyes as a result of extreme exhaustion and a twinge of pain.

"Ted!"

Teddy nodded. "I know. I don't know what I was thinking."

"You should have kicked him out. He's got his own bed in Al's room."

Teddy shrugged. He had James' bedroom when he came to stay and he felt a little guilty about it. He vaguely remembered Harry knocking his door at half past two in the morning asking if he knew where James was. He had offered to shift him then and Teddy had shaken his head and ripped open another letter.

Oh how he wished he hadn't.

"Too tired to try out the broom?"

Teddy laughed. "No."

Harry grinned at him. "Get dressed then. It's raining, by the way."

Teddy rolled his eyes. "It's always raining the week of my birthday. I hate playing in the rain. I can't see a thing."

Harry raised his eyebrows. "You get no sympathy from me. When I was your age, I was playing in the rain and wearing glasses." At Teddy's laughter, he smiled grimly. The boy was unbelievably like his mother when he laughed. "Anyway, if you're going to play, you'd better get some breakfast down you."

"But I told Gin-"

Harry nodded. "She's made you some toast. Marmalade's in the fridge."

Teddy raised his eyebrows. "You put the cat in the fridge? Between you and my grandfather, I ought to notify the authorities. This is becoming a hate campaign." He laughed at this private joke, slung on a purple sweatshirt and headed downstairs.

Harry lurked over the desk and tried to find a cat reference in the last letter. He shook his head slowly and frowned. Baffled, he shrugged and followed suit.

"Ted, what's this about cats?"

Teddy took a large bite out his toast and smirked, shaking his head and tickling the chin of the large, ginger tomcat that the children had named Marmalade, on his lap with his spare hand.

"Don't forget Bill's coming round later," Ginny warned. "So I don't want you out 'til all hours."

Harry nodded. "Come on, Ted. We'd better get a move on."

Teddy nudged the cat off him, waved to the children, kissed Ginny's cheek and grabbed the toast on his way out.

Watching his father and Teddy disappear through the door, James turned to his mother.

"I like it when Teddy stays."

She smiled. "I'd like to think that Teddy likes it too."

"You know if me and Al share a room permanently…"

"No," snapped Ginny. "It's bad enough for the holidays."

Albus wrinkled his nose and appeared to be terrified at the very idea. "I don't _want_ to share with you," he said eventually. "You mess with my stuff."

James coughed. "Sorry, I mess with your stuff? Who threw my mould away?"

"It was making my room smell!"

James narrowed his eyes. "I was growing that mould. She had a name! Actually, Mum, I could share with Ted-"

Ginny raised her eyebrows. "I'm sure he'd just love that," she said, sarcastically.

Unfortunately, sarcasm was wasted on James. "Really? You think so?"

Lily wrinkled her nose. "Boys are disgusting."

James scoffed. "You only think that because you're a girl."

Albus shook his head. "No, I think you're disgusting too and I'm not a girl."

* * *

"Harry, do you believe in God?"

Harry turned slowly to his godson. It wasn't that this question was entirely unexpected; he just didn't have an answer for it. He leant on his broomstick and furrowed his brow.

"Tricky one, Ted."

Teddy smiled grimly. "I just wonder whether I should, you know?"

"I didn't used to," Harry answered. "And when I was fifteen, your dad asked me how I couldn't believe in God after everything that happened."

Teddy nodded and bit back a smile, remembering Sister Sledge.

"I like to believe my parents are up there, Ted. I like to believe they can see me. So I suppose that means that to believe in a Heaven, I have to believe in a God."

Teddy smiled. "Do you think he can he see me?"

"I know he can, Ted, and I know he'd be proud of you."

"And do you think that God cares if we don't go to Church?"

Harry didn't like to think about what had brought this on but he had the feeling it was the letters. He wasn't entirely sure what to make of them.

"No, Ted. I don't think he cares as long as you believe."

Teddy nodded and ended the conversation by kicking off. Harry watched him for a while. The child was superb in the air and Harry had the feeling that this broom was the best investment he had ever made.


	10. Hell: A Survival Guide

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_Teds,_

_It'll be awkward asking people about this sort of thing so I'll give it to you here in its simplest form._

_You'll shoot up about now. You'll probably be very tall (unless you've inherited your mother's height issues, in which case I highly recommend a pair of platforms) and lanky. We Lupins tend to be. My dad never really filled out either and I've always looked like I'm about to snap so apologies if you had your heart set on weight lifting. It's not going to happen._

_Obviously, the usual stuff will happen to you. I won't go into it in detail because I get the impression you'll cringe. Word of advice, don't change the hair downstairs. It's bound to scare girls, especially if it's shocking pink or day-glow orange; not that girls should be seeing your downstairs area at thirteen. Incidentally, I'm not talking about the walls of the living room here._

_Boys talk about the yoyo period where their voices are breaking with a great deal of scorn. Unfortunately, you're not just going to wake up and stop talking like Mickey Mouse. My advice is to go for short words and always have your sentences prepared in advance so that a sudden jump in octaves isn't thrown on you. If the octave leap should occur, pretend it didn't and carry on. Above all, don't cough and blush, it makes it look as though it wasn't intentional._

_If you were planning on singing soprano in the school choir for the rest of your school life, that's not going to happen either (that said, Peter managed it so who knows?)._

_Okay, vis-à-vis body hair. There is no such thing as too much in this family. We don't have a lot of it. _

_We don't have chest hair._

_So forget it. Unless you've inherited some from the Blacks in which case, trim it. Sirius, if he'd have let it grow, would have ended up looking like an extremely large Pekingese. _

_Or back hair_

_That's probably just as well because your girlfriend would only make you wax it off._

_You may think stubble makes you look sexy._

_True, girls love to look at it but they don't like to kiss it. So if you're counting on dates, you might as well shave._

_Don't let anyone ever call you 'Ginger Pubes'!_

_My best friends did and it was okay in small doses and only from them. Anyone else, give them a good duffing up. Or, if you've inherited my physical fighting skills, stick to working on your hexes._

_Unfortunately, you're going to get spots. Have a little cry and get over it. It happens to us all. Don't scratch them. Don't pick them. Above all, do not steal cuttings from Greenhouse Six so that you can make a cream. It just leaves scars. Trust me, I know these things. In absolute emergencies, pop them. _

_You might even be able to morph them away. Lucky you. _

_The most awkward part about this is of course in relation to girls._

_Yes, they are very sexy. Yes, they will make you forget to do things…like breathe, for instance. Yes, they are trouble with a capital T. _

_Unless you like boys, which is perfectly fine and the same rules apply. I only ever got excited about being in the presence of naked women but who am I to judge? So that's the only thing I know. I have no advice on what to do if you start fancying your best friend. Actually, I do. Go with your second instinct. You are a Lupin so your first is nearly always wrong._

_Anyway, it doesn't matter whether you're dreaming about girls or boys. It's all the same really._

_This is so unbelievably awkward. Two words: bed sheets. Just thank God we're not having this talk in person because by the end, neither of us would be able to look the other in the eyes for about twenty years._

_I remember being terrified and thinking I'd pissed myself. I blame sheer panic. You haven't. Unless you're prone to that sort of thing in which case, that's entirely possible. _

_If those 'Oh sweet Jesus' mornings are becoming pretty common, how do I phrase this? Experiment. Yes, that's a good word. Look, it's all part and parcel of growing up. You've got to go through it so make the most of having an excuse. If it happens in school, 'Scourgify' is your new best friend._

_My dreams were pretty vivid. Unfortunately, the star of these dreams was my Potions partner so that made Potions even more awkward than the time I accidentally spilled Shrinking Solution on her nose._

_I was so worried that I would burn in hell (because in Catholicism, doing what I did is almost as bad as buggery. Note the use of 'almost') that I confessed my sin. Having told Father Fairchild, he kept winking at me. I have never been more afraid in my life._

_It's perfectly normal_

_What you dream about usually means nothing. If she's wearing leather and you have an apple in your mouth, it doesn't always make you a sexual deviant._

_You might not get it for years, you might get it tomorrow._

_Never and I mean never, attempt to explain it to your mum._

_Don't ever tell a Priest!_

_Or in fact anyone else._

_Other than that, have fun._

_I know that last bit sounds impossible but you only get to go through it once and it often makes for some interesting anecdotes. Your friends will probably all go through this at the same time too so you'll at least have someone to talk to about it. _

_Hope this means you have less questions for your poor godfather who will have to do this to your face. I'd like to say I have every sympathy for him but I can only wish I could be around to hear it._

_Love,_

_Dad._


	11. Mad Hair and Fishing Trousers

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_Dear Ted,_

_You may be wondering who I really am. Well, I'd like to think that I've given you something of an idea but I would also like you to think that I'm pretty cool so it's safe to say that if you think that, I've given you the wrong impression._

_Obviously, as a teenage boy, being cool is a very serious aspect of your life. My mother never understood the need to wear black all the time and I do not doubt that your mum won't get it either. If she starts asking questions just show her this letter and tell her I said she had to buy you the plastic drainpipes. _

_That said, my friends didn't altogether understand the need to wear black all the time for the first few years either. This was because my friends weren't lanky and ginger. When you're lanky and ginger, black clothes are a must because orange, yellow, red, green, purple and pretty much anything other than black and turquoise (because it goes with anything) clashes ridiculously and makes you look like a right idiot. If you get it right with red and green, you can go to parties dressed as Traffic Lights. The gag never gets old._

_James used to tell everyone that being a Marauder was blatantly exciting because (and I quote) "I mean, look at Remus. If it wasn't great, why would he dress like a ninja?" Good question. Maybe it's because I had curly ginger hair until I was fifteen after Peter was almost expelled for dying my hair blonde with his wand in the holidays (I must tell you about that. I have written myself a reminder and stuck it on the wall). _

_So anyway, I'm not saying that you can't be cool and ginger because ginger is the epitome of cool but only once you're in your late twenties. My friends called me Ginger Pubes and when I say 'my friends' I mean Sirius because James and Peter were never bothered by my hair colour. The crucial thing to do here is to only let your friends do it. Luckily, I was one of the tallest in the year and the scars on my cheek made me look hard as nails so no-one tried anything with me (which could also be attributed to the fact that I was best friends with the most aggressive Beater the school had seen in years) but if you're small, thin and ginger; life is hard. _

_I think you'll agree that what you need, kid, is the Remus Lupin guide to cool. Now, this will be different for you than it was for me. For one thing, you can change the way you look in seconds. For another, you won't have my judgement so I can't tell you what makes you look like an idiot. However, being a punk will never go out of fashion and if my only son is not a punk, I have done something very wrong._

_Mad hair is crucial. I'm talking spiky and purple or bright (and I mean BRIGHT) blue hair, or neon pink or blood red or some other wacky and moderately offensive colour. I was never allowed to dye my hair so I dressed like a punk and grew hair like a Beatle. _

_I thought I was cool. I was the only one who did._

_I can recommend black drainpipe trousers. Don't buy cheap ones. They're supposed to look cheap whilst costing a small fortune and that's a hard look to pull off. Trust me, Ted, black fishing trousers cannot be sewn up. People know that they're fishing trousers and they piss themselves laughing. _

_I don't think I was ever a real punk. I used to, and then I met your mum. She had piercings in places I had never even heard of! She wore enough eye makeup to keep the kohl industry booming for years. She once bought plastic dolls so she could cut their hair off to stick on the shoulders of her jacket. I was never like that. I was just a boy with stupid hair in skinny legged trousers who practically lived in his converse trainers. _

_I looked like an exhibit from a fashion museum. Of the good, the bad and the ugly, I knew which one I was. It was probably because I was part punk and part pensioner. I wore cardigans for crying out loud!_

_I still managed to have girlfriends though so don't write yourself off as completely sexless if you wear them too. I don't know what it is about cardigans that make girls think you're sensible, reliable and lots of other words ending in 'ible'. 'Ible' words make you unfathomably attractive._

_To complete this look, scowl. I believe the main reason I could never be a real punk was that I was constantly smiling at strangers in the street or around the school. It didn't fit with all that plastic and leather. _

_You have to walk in a certain way too. Sirius nailed it. You have to walk as though you have just been appointed Lord and Master of the Universe. James got quite good at it too, but only after a particularly good night. You can shuffle along occasionally as long as you're scowling in a big way. _

_If you're just slightly in touch with your feminine side, you can't do it. I'm sorry but a camp punk is something of a contradiction in terms. I remember shuffling alongside James and Sirius (who actually strutted around school so shuffling and keeping up was a bit of a challenge) and Peter would sort of skip along in a manner that made me extremely nervous every time I dropped a pencil. In fact, it was Peter's slightly camp nature that enabled me to perfect the trick of picking things up with my toes. _

_Incidentally, I'm not homophobic. Peter had told me "[My] arse look[ed] a lot better in those trousers. In [my] pyjamas, it look[ed] awful". Wouldn't you be paranoid?_

_So anyway, you have to invest in a Muggle music player. I had a record player and my vinyl collection was better than most of Hope Cove's and now it's yours. You had better ask Harry or your mum or whoever has them what happened to them and wonder where the hell you're going to get a player for them. _

_Listen to everything by The Beatles first. My mum loved them and she'd always sing 'Penny Lane' around the house so listen to that one first. After you've learnt the basics, you can move on to something a little more complex. Try The Buzzcocks and listen to 'Ever Fallen In Love'. Once you've grasped that, it's onto Queen. Listen and listen well because almost every Muggle musician lists Queen among their influences. Work your way onto The Who and finally, The Sex Pistols._

_That pretty much covers my important punk influences. You'll find a few bands I hope you'll be familiar with too; music by wizard artists who still can't quite grasp the guitar as well as Brain May (although maybe I'm a little biased). I took to jazz in a big way when I was older and I'd like you to listen to those albums too but if you don't like them, keep them and try again in ten years. Trust me on this one._

_We'll probably come back to this lesson anyway so if you missed something, there'll be time to catch up. Apologies; I believe it's my inner teacher._

_No matter how gay it sounds,_

_Much love,_

_Dad._


	12. My Daft Git

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_Dear Teddy,_

_I remember being thirteen and having my first experience of living alone and incidentally, of being a Muggle who lived alone because I was unable to do any magic._

_Every year my parents would insist on visiting my mother's relatives and I hated it because my aunt was a nun. At the time, I just thought becoming a nun was a very selfish thing to do. After all, I had never seen a naked woman and it seemed that she was advocating women's rights to not only keep themselves clothed but also to deny me sex._

_So I didn't like her very much but every summer holiday in early July, a week would be spent visiting a convent to see Sister Jane. _

_My mother and her sisters were named for the Brontë sisters; Emily, Jane and Charlotte. Her brother got off lightly. My mother was Emily, Sister Jane should be obvious and my aunt Charlotte was my favourite person (outside my immediate family – which included my three friends) in the world. _

_Charlotte Colbert was the middle child who went down a storm with my father. They both had a whole row of sweet teeth and a secret love of Casablanca (a film that she introduced him to). I remember being made to watch that film so many times that I can still recite quotes on cue._

_But anyway, she was the first person in the non-magical community to learn of my condition. She accepted my father's certain talent and taught him how to use a telephone so that she could call him over every time she lost her keys. She was a very big fan of driving fast in a small, red car with the top down, wearing a scarf round her head and singing. She'd take me in this car to the cinema and drive-through restaurants that my mother boycotted so naturally, I adored her._

_This particular summer, 1973 if you want to be particular, it was Charlotte who assured my mother that I was old enough to cope alone for a week while my parents drove to Wales (because Sister Jane detested magic and believed my father was a servant of the Devil – she was one seriously scary lady). She told my mother that she would stay with me and as soon as the car was out of sight, she asked me whether I needed her to stay. I shook my head and assured her that I wouldn't tell if she took me to see 'Theatre of Blood' on the Friday._

_I'd been waiting since April to see it and luckily, Devon cinemas (as with everything in Devon) were rather slow and so it was still playing. Incidentally, the last showing was the one that Charlotte and I saw. I loved it and my mother knew nothing of the incident until I gave a speech at Charlotte's funeral twenty-five years later (this may arouse some morbid interest – she died last October by which I mean October '97)._

_You haven't let me digress much further. You may be interested to know that not five minutes ago, you were screaming the place down. Thank you, you have set me back on track. Unfortunately, I have no idea what I was about to write. You can bet it would have been extremely important or incredibly witty. Such is my luck._

_That week was heaven! I was allowed to eat when I wanted, where I wanted and most importantly, I was allowed to eat what I wanted. So that consisted of cake mostly. My mother was an avid baker and I found several things in our 'freezer' (which was actually a cupboard with a charm on it) that interested me greatly. _

_Breakfast: Blueberry muffin and chocolate milkshake._

_Snack: Rowntree's Fruit Pastilles_

_Lunch: Butterfly cakes and a chocolate spread sandwich._

_Snack: Pepper Imps_

_Dinner: Homemade pizza (part of my mum's 'Let's celebrate my Italian heritage' campaign that my poor father was subjected to for the last half of his life) followed by another muffin. _

_Snack: (always taken to bed with me – which I knew my mother would cast a kitten over) Chocolate frogs (usually 3 so I could be guaranteed at least one new card) and a small amount of my dad's Firewhiskey (which burned like hell)._

_As you can see, I had a healthy appetite. Indeed, my appetite was healthier than my diet. _

_My mother (being a Muggle) insisted on some basic creature comforts. As soon as Britain had colour television, the Lupins had a colour TV. As soon as Britain had The Beatles, the Lupins had a record player. My father was baffled by such equipment and spent most of his time trying to take the television apart between re-runs of Casablanca on BBC1. _

_Joking aside, I had that television to myself for six days and I was going to make the most of it. My favourite programmes were (in no particular order): 'Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em', 'Steptoe and Son', 'Speaking of Murder' and 'Miss World' was pretty up there too if I came home for Christmas in time. I tried to get into 'Coronation Street' with my mother but I never knew what was happening or who the bloody hell it was happening to._

_So I could watch these at my leisure without my old man leaning over me and asking when it would be over so he could throw things at me, watch Casablanca or fiddle with the aerial. _

_I had a great time. I was pale, undernourished, ill and couldn't wait until I could live the rest of my life like that. _

_Let me tell you now, if you're in your twenties and living with your mum, you're not going far wrong._

_When you're nineteen and living alone, it's hell. You have to tape 'The Bill' and buy a cat who let's face it, doesn't give a shit whether you live or die._

_I lasted two weeks before I moved back in with my mum and lasted a further week there before I wanted to live alone again. This time though, I left my brains in my mother's living room and asked Sirius if he wanted to come with me and Rowntree (my total bitch of a cat who you'll probably hear a lot more about purely because she's the best cat ever) to North London._

_Unfortunately, we spent a lot of time in the flat, drinking on the sofa together. Now, the key lesson here is that when you're drinking and you're lying on the sofa, you can't judge just how pissed you are. This is worse when the man beside you is also completely trolleyed because you think you're both sober. _

_So the lesson here is:_

_What you think is great now is probably not such a good idea when you get older. Your expectations change. So be prepared. This is probably the most Dad-ish letter yet and I'll have you know that I'm thoroughly enjoying these. If you hate them, you probably haven't even got this far._

_Knowing your mum, they've probably been lost somewhere._

_On the off chance that you're reading this,_

_I love you, even though I already know you'll be a daft git. You're my daft git._

_Dad._


	13. The Sunflower Murderer

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

Teddy Lupin had never been more afraid in his life. The first time he had fallen off a broom had been pretty bad. The agonising walk to the Sorting Hat had been horrific. The look on McGonagall's face after she caught trying to find the kitchens in the middle of the night with his best friend had given them both nightmares for a week. However, these were nothing in comparison with an angry Ginny Potter.

She didn't shout. She whispered at them.

"I am serving dinner in twenty minutes."

Teddy stared at Harry, wondering what the right course of action ought to be. Judging by the look on his godfather's face, the plan was to run like hell in the opposite direction. At least, that was the option Teddy was going to vote for.

James and Albus watched from the top of the stairs, sick smiles spreading across their eager faces. This was it. Teddy was going to be screamed at by their mother for the first time ever. Saint Teddy had finally crossed the line. Theirs were the smiles of children openly invited to laugh at another's expense. Theirs were the cruellest smiles in the world.

"And you have trailed mud through my living room."

Teddy glanced behind him. Indeed, not only had their footprints tainted the carpet but they had dragged their brooms behind them too. He gulped, his confidence in Harry dwindling as he shook.

"Mrs. P-Potter," Teddy stammered. "It was my fault. I wanted to go out so…and it was wet anyway. The fields were really muddy and I…"

Ginny met his eyes and smiled. "It's alright, Ted. You're a boy and boys are mud magnets. I grew up with far too many of them so believe me, I know. You'd better go up and get changed."

Teddy nodded gratefully and ran up the stairs, startling Albus who leapt to his feet and darted into his bedroom.

James glanced up at Teddy and grinned. "Ooh, Dad's in trouble now…" His eyes rocketed back to the argument in the living room.

Teddy shook his head in disbelief. "You shouldn't be eavesdropping."

"It's hard not to hear it though, isn't it?" James took this an invitation and getting to his feet, followed Teddy into the room that used to be his.

"Get out, James."

"No. It's my room."

There was nothing Teddy could say to that. He had been the master of eight year old logic when he was eight. Why did such skills leave him? He glared at James.

"Look, I have to get changed."

James shrugged. "I change in front of Al all the time."

Teddy raised his eyebrows. "That's different."

"How?"

"It just is. You're eight and you're brothers so…"

James made himself comfortable on his bed. "Al's not eight; he's six and I'm nearly nine." He seemed to think that this had won him the argument. "Besides, you're my brother too."

Teddy sighed. "James, I'm not your brother."

"Yes, you are. We live together and we fight all the time. You're as good as."

Teddy fought his grin. "Well, thanks, James. I'm chuffed, really. Still though, out."

"You murdered my sunflower!" yelled Albus, storming in and shoving James with surprising strength. "What did you do to it?"

Teddy turned and in a wasted gesture of sarcasm, began to talk to the wall. "Can I come in, Ted? Yes, boys, of course. Thanks, Ted. No problem, lads."

"I thought it wanted some coke."

"You drowned it, you evil boy!"

"Yeah, well you shouldn't have chucked Ermentrude in the bin then, should you?"

Albus was puzzled. It stopped him in his tracks. "Who's Ermentrude?"

"My mould!"

At this, even Teddy was intrigued. "I'm sorry, James? Your mould?"

"Yes," answered James, still glaring at his brother. "My mould who met her unfortunate end just after you came to stay."

They resolved their argument immediately and Teddy sighed, throwing his mud stained t-shirt onto his washing pile and-

"What's that?"

Teddy glanced down at the shirt in his arms. "It's a shirt, James."

James smiled sarcastically. "Not the shirt. That."

Teddy's eyes followed the boy's finger, coming to rest on his hip. He smiled.

"It's a scar."

Albus gasped. "Where did you get it?"

Teddy shrugged. He had a few of them. He played Quidditch. It was only to be expected. He was also very much his mother's son when it came to stairs. Every flight was an obstacle course. He was the only person he knew who could trip over thin air.

"I'm going to get one," James declared as though announcing his intention to take over the world.

Teddy laughed. "James, you don't want one. Chicks go nuts for them but getting a lasting one really hurts."

James raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, it hurts so much that you don't even remember how you got it."

Damn that boy and his logic!

James smirked, knowing he had one. "Come on, Al. We're going to get scars." He strode out of the room, dragging his unwilling brother with him.

"What do you mean 'we'?"

Teddy had just begun to fear for Albus when he heard Ginny's shouts downstairs.

"No! You're not going anywhere. If you're that bored, you can lay the table."

Teddy laughed to himself and sat at his desk. He probably had time for another letter.


	14. Anna Lovett

**Disclaimer: See Prologue  
A/N: Very quick update for all my lovely reviewers because I got somewhat carried away.**

The photograph slipped out of the envelope and landed on the floor at his feet. For a moment, Teddy stared at it from a distance. He almost couldn't bring himself to look at it. He had seen enough pictures of his father to recognise him at once although just who the girl with her arms around him was, was beyond him.

Intrigued, he inspected it further.

She was so much shorter than his father but he leant into her and her smile at his arms around her lit up her beautiful face. Teddy would have been convinced that she was some sort of brunette Veela hybrid if she wasn't rather swamped by her own body, huge hips and breasts coupled with very short legs couldn't have suited anyone.

She and his father laughed and half-heartedly swatted at the camera. They both appeared to be incredibly pleased with themselves.

_Ted,_

_I ask that you are not quick to judge. I am about to talk to you about my first love (I'm talking aside from The White Album and Honeydukes) and a lot of people haven't the time of day for her. I ask you to keep an open mind._

_Her name was Anna and she was in my year at school. I first met her three days into the start of term. We were paired together in Potions. I felt awful about being paired with anyone because it has to be said, I was hardly Potioner of the year. As it transpired, she was almost as bad as I was so though in second year the pairs were switched, we were allowed to continue to work together on the basis that at least we were not a hindrance to others._

_I loved her for years. I was completely crazy about her. When we were in third year, she er…developed and put me through hell. When we were in forth, she started dating McCormack, a Chaser in the year above. Sirius blamed testosterone but there really is no excuse for it. McCormack picked a fight with me and something snapped so I gave as good as I got. We both ended up in the hospital wing. I am, however, proud to say that it was not my nose that was bleeding copiously. _

_He took to referring to my Muggle mother by a series of derogatory names for which he received a wad of chewing gum in his left nostril (from me) and a Bludger to the head (from Sirius)._

_You may be able to guess that he and I did not get along. Where was I? Oh yes, in fifth, Peter asked her out. I know. I was speechless too. In our sixth year, we started dating. I took her to Hogsmeade one weekend (I'll tell you about that later) and from that, I found out that she was as mad about me as I was her. _

_All's well that ends well, then? Not really, no. _

_We broke up and got back together a lot. I don't know what the term for it is these days but back then, we were 'off and on'. By seventh year, she had packed me for good but mid-April, we made up and I suppose you could say I became less opposed to the idea of a girlfriend. I told her that I loved her, she told me she felt the same and surely, all's well that ends well?_

_Again, the short answer is no._

_The long answer is that I lost my virginity to Anna Lovett who declared that it was the first time she had ever made love. This was a conveniently ambiguous statement which I knew to be false as Colin McCormack had claimed that they were, and I quote, "banging like shutters in a hurricane". You can tell we would have come to blows without Anna's influence. _

_From that moment on, Sirius repeatedly referred to her as a 'prick-teaser'. I took no notice because Sirius referred to every girl who wouldn't have sex with him as a 'prick-teaser'. _

_He was right to a certain extent. If she had 'prick-teased' Mulciber, things would never have worked out the way they did. _

_I spoke to Anna shortly before her death in 1981. She explained her reasons for giving herself to Mulciber (a sworn enemy of mine from almost the moment I stepped through the school gates) and certainly, the reason for her adultery was plausible._

_You see, I have always been a coward in relation to the fairer sex. I'd dated girls before Anna Lovett and because ultimately I could never tell them about my lycanthropy, I usually ended things before they could get serious. However, I never officially ended anything. I would just make myself unavailable. Unfortunately, Anna herself had received this treatment on numerous occasions. _

_Her birthday fell on the full moon. I told her I couldn't be there, being incredibly vague to hide my secret, and she assumed I was dumping her. She spent the following evening in a broom closet with Mulciber. No-one would have known (although she assured me that she would have told me) but Sirius and his latest happened to be going in as they were coming out. That made for one hell of an awkward Monday morning, I'm telling you. _

_I never really got over Anna. I had days when I missed her a lot less than others but I don't believe I could tell you honestly that I stopped loving her. That was until I met your mother and I'm not just saying that. _

_It's how I knew I'd found 'The One'. Not only had I made a total dick of myself but I also stopped comparing her. I found myself forgetting how Anna smelled and tasted and the exact shade of her blush. When I thought about her, I could only recall your mother._

_So naturally, as soon as she forced me to get my act together, I married her. _

_I suppose you're wondering how it was that a girl who emotionally crippled me managed to keep my heart for God knows how many years. _

_She died on February 25__th__ 1981. She died for me. _

_Until that moment, I hadn't believed that she ever loved me. Her promise that she still did meant nothing. There's not a day that goes by that I am not grateful for February 25__th__ and considering you were born seventeen years later, I don't believe there's a day that goes by that you shouldn't be either. _

_When it comes to first loves, take my advice. Stick to The Beatles and biscuits._

_All my love,_

_Dad._


	15. Gemini Costello

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

This was a lot of information to take in. Teddy's head pounded. The small and lovely girl in the picture he had propped up on his desk, had broken his father's heart. It was difficult to understand why she would have done so. From the confines of the photograph, she grinned and winked at him.

He ripped open the second envelope and held his hand out for the next picture. This one depicted a slighter older Remus, his arm around another extraordinarily pretty girl.

Teddy was envious beyond words. Why were all these women gorgeous?

She looked very much like his father. Her eyes were exactly the same shade of deep brown, so deep they were black. Both their cheekbones were high and prominent. Both necks were swanlike. Her hair was a liquorice waterfall, ending at her elbows and shining blue in the light. Her olive skin made his father look like death warmed up but Remus didn't appear to care.

_Teddy,_

_This is Gemini Costello. What she was doing with me, I still have no idea. She ought to have been on the arm of a rich, handsome and whole hearted man. Instead, she was busy sewing mine back together (not literally- she ended up in the Ministry not St. Mungo's). _

_She was three years younger than me and we didn't start dating until I had left school and she had turned sixteen the following September. _

_Anyway, the first indication that she liked me came in fifth year when she spiked my pumpkin juice. We knew she was clever (Ravenclaw) but that was bloody ingenious. She admitted to slipping a shop-bought love potion into it three years later but she wouldn't say how she did it. It remains a mystery to this day._

_She practically stalked me round for years. In sixth year, I was appointed Captain of the Duelling Club. Guess who took up duelling. For a time, I was the Gryffindor Keeper. Guess who took a sudden unhealthy interest in Quidditch. I realise I make her sound like a stalker but to a certain extent, she was._

_The real shock came in seventh year when she practically pounced on me. After the Anna debacle that the whole school knew about, I would spend all my time hidden in the Shrieking Shack because we had no lessons and no-one knew about it. My friends eventually figured this out and I was forced to face the world with the aid of eyeliner and Sirius' leather jacket._

_Maybe it was the leather, I don't know. She walked straight up to me and kissed me (which I was incredibly grateful for because Mulciber was really going for it with Anna on the other side of the lake) and so began the best end of term of my life._

_Gemini Costello played Seeker. She was bloody good too. I'm assuming you have enough Quidditch knowledge to know what she did with me._

_We were going through a heat wave and Gem loved it. Heat didn't get to Gemini. So as it was getting dark - it must have been about half past nine – she took me out on her broom as a sort of farewell gesture._

_Now, I knew a lot about Quidditch and I knew the difficulty of the move she managed to pull off with me on the back of her broom, arms gripping her waist and pretending I wasn't terrified. _

_You've heard of a Wronski Feint? Well, I've done one of those. Admittedly not of my own volition but it was certainly an experience._

_It wasn't as fluid as it could have been but James had seen her do it without me squeezing the breath out of her and he moped around the school for a week. Thus, I had complete faith as soon as I got off the broom and watched her from a distance._

_That summer, my father passed away (what bothers me is that I am now the age he was when he died and I am preparing letters to my son in case of the worst. It seems a little spooky). Gem read his obituary in the Prophet and happened to be in Salcombe on holiday with her family. She came by bus and told me that she was never using Muggle transport again. _

_In truth, it was good to see her. I had distanced myself from my friends and I was somewhat glad of the company._

_September 3__rd__, she officially became my girlfriend. We lasted sixteen weeks. I wasn't over Anna Lovett. I was secretive. We hardly ever saw each other. I made it to Hogsmeade every weekend but I quickly learned that long distance relationships don't work when 50% of the party couldn't care less. My treatment of Gemini horrifies me. She didn't deserve it. There is a word for men who bed girls and leave them. There are a few in fact and none of them are terribly complimentary._

_She mended me and we parted amicably. She fancied another boy in her year at school. At least she had the decency to tell me._

_James had never approved and was thoroughly pleased she was gone. Peter asked after her until we stopped speaking. Lily talked to me about it and helped to stitch some wounds that friendships with the boys couldn't heal. Sirius became the bane of my life. He insisted on my having a girlfriend and it didn't go down well. That led to the next girl on the list but she definitely deserves a few pages all of her own._

_The lesson here is: don't rush into anything. You could let a more than decent girl pass you by because you're not ready. You could break a heart. Long distance relationships take effort. Don't even think about using the term relationship until you turn twenty. Before that time, when the lads ask for status updates, shrug and make a few gestures._

_Love you,_

_Dad._


	16. Nancy Clarke

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: My apologies to everyone who wanted this to be Tonks. She's not here for a little while but she will be obviously. **

The next picture shocked Teddy who raised his eyebrows and blinked repeatedly, seemingly unable to digest what he found.

The girl, well no…woman, with his father in the Muggle Polaroid was dressed head to toe in black leather. Her hair had been forced into a peroxide perm and her sea green eyes twinkled. She was pretty but certainly a down-grade from Gemini Costello. She was considerably older than his father; at least the crow's feet seemed to say so.

"What the hell, Dad?"

Teddy stopped himself from adding anything further. He had referred to him as 'Dad'. He'd never done that alone before. Around his family, yes, he was Dad but in private, he had a father. He supposed that it was the result of his father referring to himself by that title.

_Teddy,_

_You're looking at myself and Nancy Clarke. That was in 1980. I no longer have such stupid hair, I promise you, though I can't vouch for Nancy. I no longer wear those jeans either. You get to a certain stage in your life when you realise that black drainpipes are not attractive._

_Nancy__ was twenty years older than me. She was a friend of Lily's mother (making her a Muggle and therefore much less likely to guess my secret) and we met at Lily and James' wedding. _

_Now, I say 'met' and I mean 'forced together by Sirius'. I had spent the last year pining over Anna and he had decided that enough was enough. He had also recently seen the film 'The Graduate' with Lily. I don't mean to suggest that this clouded his image of what sex on legs was but at the time, I remember wondering what the hell there was to find attractive about Nancy._

_You see, she was going through a divorce at the time (which made me wonder just why she had decided that a wedding reception was the right place to be) after her husband had had an affair. She was just the wrong side of bitter and she looked like Margret Thatcher. _

_This was pre-me, by the way. She dyed her hair and took to wearing cat-suits at almost forty as soon as we were together. I won't deny that I did not complain._

_Anyway, Sirius and James set me up with her and left me in a most awkward position. I considered a date with this woman to be hell on earth. However, she had been drinking and weeping and that is never a good mix. I had become rather fond of my body, it wasn't the best but it was mine, and I didn't particularly relish the thought of her tearing it apart so I took her address and threatened to black Sirius' eyes._

_I agreed to meet her and was taken on a pub-crawl round Spinner's End. Merlin, it was fantastic. She could drink me under the table. Although, a House Elf could drink me under the table so I think that says more about me than her._

_She taught me almost everything I know about women; even more than Sirius did which says it all really. I mean, from the latter all I learned was that telling a woman that yes, her arse did look huge in that skirt would earn you a butter knife in a most important place. That said, I also learned how to dodge said butter knife so I can't complain._

_Anyway, she met my mother and loved her. I wish I could say the feeling was mutual. She took me to art galleries (where I discovered my love of William Berryman) and I took her to The Who gigs (where she discovered her distaste for punk rock). So I suppose you could say we learned from one another. At least, that would be the philosophical thing to say. I'm not great at philosophy so I'll tell you that they were the best years of my life in general (before you and your mum, I hasten to add) and leave you to come to your own conclusions. _

_What creeped my friends out was that in fifth year I was given an owl. She was gorgeous and not just big but huge! I named her Nancy for reasons that are still unknown to even myself. So it caused genuine confusion 20% of the time._

_The other 80% was Sirius being a twat._

_I really shouldn't encourage that sort of language. Right, it's time to get Dad-ish on you. You are never to show this to anyone who knew me. As your father, do not even think about cursing. It's not big and it's not clever. People tend to be offended when you call them a twat. I, however, think it's more often than not deserved._

_I'll get back to my point now._

_We were together from June '79 to February '81, making the longest relationship I had ever had with someone other than my owl or my mother, with her. I'll be honest, the only reason we split was because I told her I was still in love with Anna Mulciber. This was the day after she had been murdered and I believe it may have been a rash decision. _

_Certainly, I missed Nancy but I rather missed Anna more even though she had never really been a constant in my life._

_I did what any sensible man does in times of emotional upheaval. I sat in my mother's kitchen and moped. When you miss someone, there's nothing like homemade macaroons and sweet tea to make you feel better, trust me. _

_You may have realised that I've talked more about myself here than Nancy. In my memory, I see her clearly and yet I remember very little about her. I can't even begin to do her justice in writing. _

_Nancy__ was more about teaching me than being in love. _

_From Nancy I learned how women work. I learned what to say, how to say it, what to do, how to placate her, how to talk her round, how to (Sirius had some great terminology for this) 'blow her mind' and most importantly, how to accept the fact that I was a man and that made me wrong._

_Of course, I never actually applied any of this. I was far too stupid. _

_Never mind all that, what have we learned from the former Mrs. Clarke?_

_We have learned to never judge a book by its cover. We have learned to be game for anything. We have learned that we must learn. _

_I also came to the conclusion that men are arseholes but that came with practice of being one so it may take you a while to figure that one out._

_Happy learning,_

_Dad._


	17. A Fetching Shade of Magenta

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: For anyone wondering about Anna Lovett, look out for Sugar and Spice which should be up this weekend. It talks about her death.**

"Teddy!"

Teddy toyed with the envelope and made a face. He sighed.

"Coming, Gin!"

Stepping out onto the landing he was hit by the smell of…port, was it? He coughed.

"Is it just me or does this place reek of port?"

The girl at the foot of the stairs flicked her strawberry blonde hair in his general direction. "Are you implying I'm some sort of alcoholic?"

For a moment, Teddy couldn't speak. He knew what he wanted to say and he knew how to say it so why were the words sticking in his throat? He wanted to assure her that he did not and greet her properly and yet somehow, this translated as:

"No, you could just have been eating a lot of Winegums."

Victoire raised an eyebrow.

"What's the matter with Winegums?" he asked. "I like Winegums. Do you like Winegums? I do."

Harry smiled. "Are you going to shout down all night or are you actually going to grace us with your presence?"

"Sorry, Harry."

And with that, he landed in a turquoise heap at the foot of the stairs. He leapt to his feet and dusted himself off, attempting a reassuring smile but he failed to meet the eyes of anyone in the room.

"Are you alright?" she asked him, too used to her friend's accidents to be truly concerned.

"I'm dandy," muttered Teddy, brushing off his shoulders. "Happens all the time."

Victoire nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"So what are you doing here?"

Victoire pursed her lips. "I'm being babysat. I'm twelve for God's sake."

"Where's Dom?"

"They're all going to France for a few days."

Teddy whistled. "Why didn't you go?"

"I get sick."

Teddy grinned. "Of France?"

"Just a bit," she admitted. "We go every year and once you've seen it, you've seen it." She smirked at him and her bright blue eyes twinkled. "I'm just not quite as excited by France as you are by Winegums."

Teddy was tempted to praise God when Ginny spared him from having to think of a witty retort by offering to show Victoire her room. 'Do you like Winegums?' What the hell had he been thinking?

"Are you blushing?"

"Shut up, James."

"You are, aren't you? Why?"

"James, I'm warning you-"

"I'll tell my dad."

Teddy snorted. "Yeah, go on then. What are you going to say, 'Daddy, Teddy's blushing'?"

James smirked. "Daddy! Teddy's threatening-"

"Shut it, Potter."

James gave him the same sickening smile and flashed his eyebrows, disappearing into the kitchen. Teddy watched him and, slightly paranoid, felt his burning cheeks. He waited for the sound of the door closing behind the Weasley girls before he ran back to his room.

It wasn't until the following day that he thought about his homework or his father's letters. Upon waking up to a stack of them, he remembered what he had meant to ask Harry last night. It had probably worked out better this way. Somehow he couldn't imagine Harry's face if he asked him about girls over dinner. Well, not girls in general; one girl in particular.

He waited rather impatiently until after breakfast when he managed to catch his godfather alone on the landing.

"Harry!" He ran down the second flight of stairs and tried not to meet Harry's eye. "Look, I need some help."

Harry laughed. "Well, I'm probably not the best choice. What's the story?"

Teddy glanced behind him as though he were about to bequeath highly secret information. "What do you know about Anna Lovett?"

Harry frowned slightly. "Who?"

"Anna Mulciber then."

Harry shook his head. "It rings a bell but-"

"She was my dad's girlfriend in school."

Harry nodded. "Yeah, I remember. Why? What do you want to know?"

"Everything."

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Look, Ted, I only know what your dad chose to tell me. She was in his year at school, she was from Belfast and she broke his heart. That's about all he ever said about her. You probably know more than I do so…"

Teddy attempted a smile. "I just need to know about her. She confuses the hell out of me."

Harry nodded. "I remember feeling the same way. I have something for you. Why don't you go and finish your homework? I'll be up as soon as I remember what I did with them."

Thoroughly confused but placated, Teddy complied and headed back to the room he had loaned from James.


	18. Electra Nott

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Those of you who read "Where Dwell the Brave at Heart" know what Harry's about to give him. Otherwise, you'll find out in a few chapters time. For now, it's back to letters and oestrogen related mistakes.**

_Ted,_

_I am not proud. In fact, I make myself almost sick with this incident. I'm afraid I don't have a photograph of Electra Nott. I'm sure you can picture her. She was very much Sirius' type, tall and slim with lovely long black hair and bright blue eyes. The sight of her was enough to make my mouth Sahara dry and I was already head over heels with Electra's best friend, remember?_

_I never had a problem with Electra, per se. She was a lovely girl if you liked that sort of thing. I always thought she hated me but as soon as she was with Sirius, she warmed up to me. I'm fairly sure it had something to do with him but he never said anything._

_We never really got along well. She was rarely apart from Sirius and unfortunately, we were sharing a flat which made things awkward at times. I think the crux of the matter was that she always had to be firmly Team Anna._

_I make her out to be a She-Devil. She's not. We were just stupid and young. Stupid, young and blind is a very unfortunate cocktail._

_Speaking of unfortunate cocktails, incidentally Bloody Marys are never are a good idea after a bereavement. If a girl comes to you, crying and demanding answers, it is never a good idea to tell her that you can make a cracking Bloody Mary and then invite her in and make several._

_I'm assuming that you know the events of Halloween 1981. _

_We both lost Sirius that night. I had lost James and Lily and Sirius might as well have been Saddam Hussein. _

_It wasn't until November 4__th__ that I saw Electra again. It was Sirius' first night in Azkaban. I was living with my mother but I'd gone back to the flat for the last of my things. I was sitting in the dining room, procrastinating and minding my own business when she knocked the door._

_Obviously, I didn't know it was her. She was the last person I expected. I assumed that Death Eaters wouldn't knock before making an attempt on my life so I thought she was the landlord; hence why I sat in darkness and absolute silence, making my way through the contents of our drinks cabinet. Well, it would be a shame to let it go to waste, wouldn't it?_

_She kept knocking. She was there for ten minutes before I was drunk enough to think I could charm my out of paying four months rent. _

_Her eyes were bloodshot and she had a breakout of spots. I felt awful for her. She and Sirius were easily the vainest people the earth had ever seen at that point (it was just as well they didn't have children or I'd be prising them from mirrors for the rest of my life) and I thought this might be why she was crying._

_Now, Electra Nott is the only woman in the world who can make tears and spots sexy. I can't include your mother because a) she's your mother and it will disgust you and b) she morphs them away. _

_She was enough to make my blood rush to my nether regions. I'm disgusting myself at the thought of this so God knows what you must be going through. Nancy and I had…well…I'd become used to the relationship stuff on tap and I hadn't had any relationship stuff since late February. That was nine months of abstinence. It was hell. _

_She asked me whether the rumours about Sirius were true. I told her that she had better come in before the landlord saw that I was at home. That was my first mistake._

_The second was to offer her something to drink._

_She came in and kept looking around as though her ex-boyfriend would materialise in the living room. I remember wondering whether she had already been drinking. Seventeen years later, I still haven't ruled out the possibility. _

_We got talking. She sat on the sofa with me and drank with me. It was just like old times except she sent my heart rate through the roof whereas Sirius did not. It's fair to say that any female would have done this but thinking about Sister Matic drunk and begging for physical contact on my sofa makes me feel sick to this day. It's still my anti-arousal technique; Sister Matic in her regulation nun's underwear. You really didn't want to know that, did you?_

_So my confession here is something that I never told anyone; well…alright, I told your mum and she didn't hate me for it so here's hoping you won't either, kid…_

_I had sex with my best friend's girlfriend._

_Feeling sick yet?_

_I know I am._

_Obviously, I never breathed a word to Sirius. I hadn't taken leave of my senses. Twelve years in Azkaban had given him tattoos and if you learn only one thing from these letters, Ted, I would like it to be: don't pick fights with men who have tattoos. _

_I never saw her again. I heard her brother became pretty big in Voldemort's inner circle. She married a pureblood, had a few babies and lived happily ever after. _

_I moped for twelve years, ended up in some serious trouble with the Ministry (involving a rather unfortunate incident in which they ruined my house) and wound up living with Sirius._

_So I could say "that's what you get for sleeping with your best friend's girlfriend" and teach you a lesson about loyalty._

_Or I could tell you that it was while I was staying with Sirius that I met your mother and teach you that Karma does not exist._

_Take what you will from this letter. Try not to be too disgusted. Try not to make my mistakes._

_Love you,_

_Dad._


	19. Nymphadora Tonks Part 1

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_Teds,_

_I'll be frank. From 1981 to 1992, there were few women in my life. One was my mother, one was a sex-addict and one was a raving lunatic who seemed to believe we had been childhood sweethearts (I spent most of my time with her absolutely plastered so God knows whether I had told her this or what). _

_The next rather beautiful but extraordinarily clumsy girl to come along was pleasantly normal (which made a nice change) but considerably younger than me. Her name was Nymphadora Tonks and she would hit me for referring to her as such._

_The year was 1978. The day was a Friday (which is apparently a good day for a funeral). The event was a funeral (well…what do you know). The company was Sirius._

_That should tell you all you need to know about how very excited I was about this. Not only did Sirius' family hate me and want me dead but I had very good reason to believe that the next time I stepped foot in the home of a Black (and I didn't care that she was a liberal who had married a Muggle-born) I would be killed where I stood._

_I'm sure you're aware of who Andromeda Tonks is. I am sure you are aware of what a thoroughly lovely lady she is. Well, at that time she could have been Mother Teresa and I would have had my doubts about stepping foot over the threshold. _

_Anyway, she and her late husband were on their way to the funeral of one of his childhood friends and her four year old daughter wasn't entirely pleased to have been left behind._

_She came down the stairs looking like an extra from a horror film. Maybe it was a trick of the light but for a moment, I honestly believed she had red eyes._

_I had no idea she was a Metamorphagus either. I was under the impression that she was a devil child when she changed her hair to this crimson colour that I am still rather fond of to this day. _

_She was horrible to me and Sirius. Sirius took it on the chin but no-one had treated me like that since Primary School and I had become rather used to being revered by the majority of the school for being the brain of the Marauders. _

_I tried talking to her. She listened alright but she didn't reply._

_I tried flattering her. She smiled and blushed and then went nuts again._

_I've already told you that she started flinging plates at Sirius for some reason that is probably best left well alone. I laughed with her and we struck up something of a rapport. _

_Hence why that summer was spent talking to her while James and Sirius arsed around in the garden, drinking and trying to catch the sun. _

_You might think that conversing with a four year old is the lowest point in your life. Let me tell you, she was a lot more interesting than my other option; Patheticgrew. You'll forgive my bitching, I assume._

_In 1980, when she was seven, Sirius brought her round to our flat. We were having one of our parties that night and he was supposed to be babysitting. I cannot believe we actually allowed a seven year old to dance on a table to "Funkytown" whilst drinking what she claimed was lemonade._

_Anyway, she met Nancy Clarke and detested her because she couldn't change in front of her. I took her for a walk and explained the situation. The little girl who grew up to be your mother then demanded that I tell my girlfriend that I was a wizard and allow your mother to show her a new trick she could do with her nose._

_That was the last time we would meet before Sirius' arrest. Indeed, it was the last time would meet until 1989 when she showed up on my doorstep in the pouring rain. She had argued with her mother and decided she was going to live elsewhere. Only when she had posted her key through the door did she realise that she had no-where to go._

_I was horrified when I found out that she had remembered me and tracked my address through a Muggle woman in her forties who lived just down the road. Said woman was Ms. Clarke, if you hadn't guessed. I decided then that this had to have been a fate. _

_Tonks (as she had named herself by then) asked me if she could come in and I showed her into the living room, giving her a Bacardi and coke (what is it with me, women and alcohol?), and asked her how she found me._

_She had taken train fare from Nancy and caught the train down. I had to admire the gall involved. I had to admire Nance's generosity. _

_Your mother had become witty, talkative and disturbingly attractive for a sixteen year old girl. I have never felt like such a pervert in my life before or since. I allowed her to stay the night and hoped to God that my mother wouldn't start asking questions until I had seen her back onto the early morning train._

_We agreed to pretend that that evening never happened._

_And that was the last I saw of her until 1994 when she tripped over an umbrella stand on her way to see Sirius and fell into my outstretched arms. How romantic cliché. _

_We started dating in 1995 and broke up at around the same time as Take That as my mother remarked with a strange expression of glee. She hated Take That. _

_There's a lot more to say than this but that'll take up a letter all of its own. She stuck with me through a series of cats who can only be described as evil geniuses, leather trousers and grey hairs._

_I love her. I'm looking at you right now and you have the same eyes; the exact same eyes. I'd die for those eyes; both pairs. I mean, fingers crossed that it won't come to that but if you're reading these then it has and it is the greatest regret of my life._

_And now, if you'll excuse me, you're crying. I'm about to hum some Led Zeppelin. You like that. After that, I'll move on to my marriage. I hope you don't mind._

_Had a friend, she once told me, "You got love, you ain't lonely",_

_Love,_

_Dad._


	20. Nymphadora Tonks Part 2

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

Teddy tore open the next envelope. Finally, he would have a real idea of what life with his parents would have been like. It was only once he held the parchment and the photograph that his heart started to beat faster and he wondered whether this was such a good idea.

His father seemed the happiest he had ever been. His composure and faint but no less genuine smile, spoke volumes. The wind that blew his mother's vivacious hair in her eyes was the same wind that caught itself in her dress and resulted in her burying herself for warmth in her now husband's arms.

_Ted,_

_I know it's not much of a wedding suit but it's what I like to call shabby chic. I had absolutely no money at all and I remember being terrified that your mother would take one look at me and turn straight around._

_It was a very simple wedding. There were about six people there and that includes us and the Priest. My mother insisted on a Catholic ceremony and your mother was the sort who was willing to try anything once, twice if she liked it._

_That's neither here nor there. Lots of people can tell you about that. I'm sure if you ask your mum nicely she'll regale you with tales of how my hair was a mess, my suit was made before she had hit her teens and her father had attempted to get me plastered before the ceremony. In fairness to Ted, he didn't know that one Firewhiskey is one too many. In fairness to myself, I did try to tell him._

_Real life began when we woke up the next morning in a cottage that I had snatched from my mother under the pretence of "I will put you in a home for your 'festive' and emotionally crippling behaviour yesterday" but really, she had moved down the road into a little bungalow that she had her eye on since before I was even born._

_All's well that ends well. _

_Until your mother attempted breakfast. I mean, it certainly ended, praise God, but I don't believe 'well' is an acceptable adjective. It does not do the event justice to describe it but I shall try._

_When I was promised breakfast in bed and told to go back to sleep, I did not expect breakfast on the bed (a hover charm that went horrifically wrong) but more shockingly, nor did I expect it on the walls (I hasten to add that there seemed to be no explanation for this. Your mother claimed to be clueless) but I decided to take these offerings as an added bonus and vowed that from then on, I would do the cooking._

_Which I did. It was a strange relationship. Your mother worked ridiculous hours for what was increasingly a fascist government in an incredibly dangerous job while I cleaned dishes, made beds, polished furniture and baked. I have never felt like such a pansy in my life before or since._

_Eventually, we discovered that she was expecting you and she soon gave up her job. I was glad. It gave my life purpose. I baked cookies, I made sponge and I would have grown oranges had we been in the right sort of environment (she drank so much orange juice that I was afraid you'd come out looking like one of the Oompa Loompas – if you don't know what they are; three words: 'Gene', 'Wilder' and 'watch')._

_I have a confession. You scared the living daylights out of me. It wasn't so much you personally as the very idea of you. I would have a child who would presumably look to me for answers. I had none to give. What I feared the most was the possibility of passing on my disease. Now, had I sat down and actually thought about it, I would have come to another conclusion; one that told me in a sensible and rational voice that sounded strangely like my father, that I was being an idiot._

_As soon as I realised that developing lycanthropy really depended on being bitten by a werewolf, I relaxed. And then I began to worry about biting you. God knows why, I had never touched another human being once while I was transformed but I have paranoia and it can do strange things to you. _

_Even if I didn't harm you, you would be ashamed of me. I could provide you with nothing but my name and my name was scum at the time; 'Lupin' to rhyme with 'sod of hell'._

_I always knew I would come back. I didn't leave to live as a hermit, Ted. I left to try and find Harry. I thought if I could save Harry then I would justify my very existence. I thought that people might give me a break. Yeah, I wanted to be a hero. I had absolutely nothing to give you, nothing but my name. I wanted my name to mean something. I wanted you to be proud of me, proud to bear my name. I lasted sixteen days, that's pitiful. I thought I was being selfish until your mother practically beat the sense back into me. I came back. I'm here writing this. I'm here embarrassing myself, caught by my mother-in-law whilst singing 'The Immigrant Song'. I'm not expecting it to be enough, Ted, but it wasn't because I didn't love you; quite the contrary actually._

_Anyway, lecture and embarrassing 'Please forgive me' speech over. _

_By the time your mother and I had returned to Sleepy Cottage, my mother was speaking to me and you were four months away from bursting into my life and demanding constant humming of '70s rock. _

_Christmas was fairly quiet. It was a difficult time. Andromeda and my mother came round and constantly criticised my turkey, my drinking and my jumper. It probably didn't help that I insisted on mulled wine for breakfast but if you can't drink from the moment you wake up on Christmas morning, when can you?_

_One thing we did make perfectly clear was that the door would be locked (metaphorically since your grandma could open it anyway) until at least twelve o'clock. I thought that this would give us enough time to get up, exchange gifts, drink mulled wine and orange juice respectively and most importantly, your mother could get ready in peace and I would have no-one fussing round my kitchen as I wrapped a whole bloody turkey in foil._

_Stupid mistakes; both buying a turkey and assuming no-one would interfere. We were eating that bird until late January._

_What I didn't realise and what Saint Delia Smith neglected to tell me, was that mothers seem to sense when you want to be alone and decide that they should be with you in your time of stress. She also forgot to mention that a turkey should be cooked the night before for best results (i.e. for a Christmas Day that doesn't end with a trip off to St. Mungo's and disinfectant). _

_But that's neither here nor there._

_My mother kept telling me that we were all lucky to be alive. Well, that was utter rubbish because I certainly would rather be dead that endure Andromeda's deep breaths every time she saw me for the next three weeks._

_Not all days were quite so eventful. It would be a lie to tell you that we spent our nights curled up in front of a roaring fire with a book and milky hot chocolate because we didn't. I tried, God knows I tried but every time I finished my sentence, your mother wanted to know what I was reading, what I thought we should do to liven up the evening and whether I would make her a hot chocolate too._

_Some were even spent having music wars. These were great nights. She would blare her strange music to a point where I could barely hear my own thoughts. Hence why Sid Vicious and I responded so, well…viciously._

_She told me that as soon as you were born I would have to stop playing songs that contained such choice lyrics as "Body screaming fucking bloody mess" although I obviously couldn't see a problem. I'm joking there, Ted. I'm not a complete nutter._

_We fought on a regular basis. At the end of the day, she was a Black. It was only to be expected. She and Sirius were made from the same mould. I could read her like a book because what she didn't realise was that I had one up on her when it came to dealing with a Black. _

_I remember one night being an exception. I remember lying on the sofa with her and wondering what we were going to call you. It was scarily quiet for a weekend. Sometimes I think I miss those days the most; the quiet days._

_I think about the number of times you have woken me. I think about the number of times I have practically pulled my hair out while trying to get you back to sleep. I think about the number of times you have infuriated me._

_You make it so hard to love you when you do all that._

_I think about the first time I held you, a very small bundle of blue perfection. I think about the first time you smiled at me; I looked down at you and you beamed up at me and mirrored my eyes. I think about the sound of your laughter. I think about the smell of baby powder and camomile that seems to evaporate into the air around you. _

_You make it impossible not to love you. I have spent four weeks with you and they have easily been the best of my life. I cannot imagine a time when you were not here._

_I digress, but I had to tell you that. If you're reading this then I'm not around to tell you every day and I should be. Telling you every day isn't even enough. You infuriate me. You terrify me. I love you with all my heart. _

_You are just like your mother._


	21. The Last Seven Seconds

**Disclaimer; See Prologue**

**A/N: Yes, there are very few letters left because these are all written in one night. The letters take me about thirty minutes to write so you have some sense of timescale.**

Teddy took deep breaths. The message was simple enough. So perhaps Lupins had never been good at anything involving the opposite sex with what he hoped was the exception of the act itself, no matter. He would be calm. He would be himself. He would not have a panic attack.

"Hey, Vic!" He waved and smiled to himself in the mirror and sighed. No, it was too chipper for half past eight. He rubbed his eyes and tried again. "Sleep well, Vic?" No, too personal. She'd think he was thinking about her in bed and that was just sick.

He threw his hands in the air and aimed his request at the ceiling. "Dad, come on. Handy pick up lines; where is the list of? I know there's this whole 'be yourself' thing but I've been myself for thirteen years and I'm still no closer to getting rid of the disease that all girls seem to think I have. I know, I know, when it comes to diseases I get no sympathy from you…"

"Talking to your dad?"

Teddy gasped and took several steps back, tripping. The mattress saved him and he liked to think that it looked intentional.

"Hello."

Victoire bit back her smile and closed the door behind her, seating herself in Teddy's abandoned desk chair. She flicked through the parchment and was firmly told not to.

"Sorry."

Teddy shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

She smiled grimly. "It didn't sound like it doesn't matter, Ted. Oh, that's a nice picture."

He snatched his parents' wedding picture back. "Everyone's trying to read them. It's driving me mental. I don't eavesdrop on James' private conversations but the moment I try and keep something for myself, it's practically an offence."

Victoire smiled sympathetically. "I'm sorry. I'm just nosy."

Immediately, Teddy felt awful. "Look, I don't mean to be this crabby but it's coming up to the Full Moon and I get migraines and stuff." He turned and fluffed up his pillows, ever the neat freak.

Victoire frowned. "But you don't have Lycanthropy…"

He swung round. "When did I tell you I transformed? All I said was that at this time every month, I get headaches. Look, Lycanthropy is a blood disease, are you still keeping up? Right. So I have my dad's blood and he had Lycanthropy. It's really not that hard."

Victoire scoffed. "Why can't you ever just be nice to me? I don't know what's got into you."

And after she had stormed out, resigning himself to whispering a stream of profanities, Teddy accepted the fact that he truly was his father's son and sat at his desk with a Charms textbook. While he calmed down, he might as well do something productive.

He didn't even look up when the door knocked. If it was James he could bloody well entertain himself. It was only as he caught sight of Harry and three boxes in the corner of his eye, that he turned and made a gesture that signalled he was almost finished.

Slamming the book shut, he looked up and even managed a small smile. "Harry?"

* * *

The sounds of James, Albus and a crash had ensured that Teddy was alone as he flicked through three boxes of his father's photography. The first box held pictures of four boys, all in Gryffindor uniforms and all generally up to no good. The second was full of photographs mostly of the Potters, some occasionally of his father and a man who he easily recognised as Sirius Black and an extraordinarily large cat who he supposed was Rowntree.

He set to work, unable to use magic and with only Bluetack at his disposal, sticking picture after picture onto the wall, leaving a particular favourite beside his mirror for future reference.

Once his room had been converted into a shrine, he pushed his bed into the middle of the room and studied them. By now, he felt brave enough to open the last box, pictures Harry had warned him would be of his parents together.

His hands shook as he pulled out a picture of his heavily pregnant mother, running her hands through her hair and glaring at the camera, underneath which was written '_Dora Lupin in her natural habitat…mess!_' in his father's italic loops.

Deciding he would save that box for when he felt less melancholy, he slid it under his bed and stood before his mirror. He took a deep breath and studied his father intensely, watching him raise an eyebrow at 'The Damned', both of whom were for some unfathomable reason, leaning on shovels.

Teddy removed his turquoise hair and found the auburn hair he had been promised, high cheekbones, a long neck and the very same eyes that stared out of the picture at him from a laughing young man carrying a shovel; the eyes of the Blacks.

Good. That meant he only had to concentrate on changing his eyes. It would be easy. Teddy screwed up his face and opened his eyes to find wide, black orbs staring at his reflection.

For the life of him he could not understand his father's hatred of his eyes. They were breathtaking.

"Cool," he murmured, taking yet another glance at the photograph to ensure he had the shade just right. He grinned. There was no denying it; he was the spit of Remus Lupin.

* * *

"Is this what you really look like then?"

Teddy nodded. "I thought maybe you'd want to see it. I think you're the only one who hasn't."

Victoire beamed at him. "You have amazing eyes."

Unable to quite master the ability to keep his charcoal eyes without concentrating one hundred percent of the time, they had returned to their natural silver and while Teddy would have preferred black to complete the Lupinesque ensemble, they would do.

"I'm sorry."

Victoire rolled her eyes. "Stop saying that. You're really getting on my nerves."

"Sorry."

"Ted!"

Teddy laughed and leaned back against the tree trunk. "I've been short with everyone lately, it's not just you. I don't know if that helps."

"Get short with me again and I would run," said Victoire. "It'll give you something to do with the last seven seconds of your life."

Teddy grinned back at her and produced an old piece of parchment which he handed to her.

"What's this?"

"It's my dad's first letter."

Victoire raised her eyebrows. "I thought you didn't want anyone reading these?"

"Yeah but you're not 'anyone', are you?"


	22. St Remus of the Allergy

**Disclaimer: See Prologue  
A/N: Insanely quick update :)**

_Teddy,_

_When it comes to love, I am now a converted cynic. My whole life has been tough love and none more so than the love I gave to ungrateful animals._

_No matter what happens, I know I'll have reached heaven because I am kind to ugly children and small dogs. No matter what I do, I know I will be revered as Saint Remus of the Allergy because I looked after Mrs. Figg's Kneazles for a whole afternoon, sneezing and praying for mercy._

_I don't remember a time when I have not had a pet. When I was very, very small, my father bought a Bloodhound puppy. It was huge even then. Dad told Mum she could name him and my mother had something of a fascination with Mythology. Our Bloodhound was Aeneas but privately she referred to him as 'that wrinkled little bugger'. _

_He was perfect for us. Alright, so he ate anything he could get his mouth round but he was immediately sorry for it (probably because my mother beat the hell out of him after he ate her foundation) and while he looked like he could inflict some serious damage on a man, he was the biggest coward in existence. Aeneas was afraid of : the dark, spiders, sheep, open spaces, small spaces, birds, the cats (especially Scarlatti), my mother, loud noises, strangers and strangely, Beethoven's ninth. _

_Unfortunately, Beethoven's ninth was one of my dad's favourite pieces so it was a constant background noise in our house and one that Aeneas did not take kindly too. _

_He lived for fifteen years which is apparently a very long time for a Bloodhound so perhaps his fear of anything and everything did him some good._

_One thing he did not fear was sex with Peter's leg which he attempted to fornicate with whenever Peter walked through the door._

_He and Sirius had a very 'loving' relationship. I think they related with the other's plight as both were forever trying to get into my mother's good-books. It may also be that they both felt unloved by scary women (although Sirius never attempted to eat foundation) and Sirius always put it down to being a dog too (I'm assuming you know his Animagus form because if you don't, you will no doubt be worried by now). _

_He didn't like James. I always thought it was the glasses and perhaps they were both just as afraid of each other. There seemed to be a competition in the kitchen between them. Whoever could get the furthest away from the other was the winner. _

_My father was what people call a dog person. He referred to my mother as Cat-woman and as far as I am aware, that was because of her fondness for cats not a fascination with leather._

_We had two, one of which was technically mine. _

_Scarlatti was my mum's. My dad called him James Bond because he was black with a white chest and small white rings round his legs just before his paws which we always said made him look like he was wearing a suit. So he was Tuxedo Cat, James Bond, Scarlatti and Evil Bastard (after he took to digging his claws into my dad's scalp and clinging on as he hitched a ride to wherever my dad was heading). _

_I loved the colour blue and I still do, in fact. When I was a child, all I wanted was a blue cat. As a child, I really did want for nothing. Blue was the only obstacle but my father had a brilliant mind and came home with an obscenely overweight Persian cat which we named Tchaikovsky. _

_I wasn't supposed to have him but I was five and suffering from a cold so my dad asked a man he knew in the pub to bring him a blue Persian. My mother was all but foaming at the mouth when he told us how he found him. _

_Scarlatti was a hunter who spent his time leaping onto dressers and ceiling lights (and all manner of other things that should not be leapt on i.e. heads) in pursuit of mice, birds and anything small and edible._

_Tchaikovsky was an eater and a sleeper who spent his time on my lap doing sod all. When I went to Hogwarts, he moved on to my father (he was so fickle) who detested all things feline. So perhaps he oughtn't to have been the first choice._

_Anyway, as soon as my dad passed away and I left school, I moved to London to be near my friends. Sirius, who had been living with James and Lily and was rather keen to push off as soon as they married, moved in with me. _

_I had acquired a hamster for company from my mother (who had a sick sense of humour) that Sirius named Dave despite her being female._

_Dave was soon eaten by my latest love; a large, shiny black cat who made her home in my living room one evening when I stupidly left the window open. She was a stray who I stupidly thought would need fattening up. _

_I remember introducing her to Sirius who said (and I remember this so well I can quote it – do not repeat it, ever!) "Remus, that's not a cat. That's a fucking panther!"_

_He wasn't altogether pleased with her name either and he begrudged her everything. When I moved out, I took her back to my mum's and as I write this, she has yet to leave there._

_She liked being taken for walks on a lead and as she came up to my knees, no-one ever approached and dared to ask why I was walking my cat. Occasionally, Sirius would come as Padfoot to really wind her up._

_She slept on the opposite side of the bed, at the end of the bed or on very cold nights, on me. So when Gemini spent the weekends with me, Rowntree wasn't keen on being ousted from Sleep Central._

_Hence why she hated Gemini. I swear she learned her name so that she could hiss at inappropriate moments._

_She shared this with Sirius (not the hissing as we were in bed but the dislike) and the two became great friends through a mutual hatred of Gemini Costello. No-one would ever have predicted it; except perhaps Sybil Trelawney and even then everyone would have laughed in her face._

_Anyway, long story cut short; cats are a bad idea, trust me. They like to think that mutilated pigeons are a great gift and like to leave them in places they think you will look when you are bored, melancholy or in need of something to maul. In short, they leave them under carpets, beds, kitchen cabinets, stairs… If it will hide a pigeon, they'll try it._

_Kneazles are even worse. If you're anything like me, you'll be horrifically allergic._

_On the other hand, they are marvellous company, wonderful characters and provide endless entertainment._

_You want my advice? Get a cat. Get one now. It's the only love money can buy._

_Love and mutilated pigeons,_

_Dad._


	23. Work and Other Inconveniences

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

_Teddy,_

_My working life started at thirteen. My father, who was obviously rather eager to ensure my being herniated before my voice dropped, told me I ought to start earning my keep (I swear he lived in Dickensian England) before I was sent to the workhouse (I'm joking – or am I?)._

_I was a paper boy. Can you imagine the humiliation of wearing florescent yellow and having red hair? I was given Sundays off and had to make my excuses after a full moon. I didn't last long because, thankfully, I had to go back to school._

_It was the worst job ever; I mean, other than the jobs that involve putting your life in danger everyday (and death some days would have come as a welcome distraction) or having skin to vomit contact._

_It involved lugging what felt like ten stone of papers round the cliff tops and demanding paper money from people. Now, most were pretty good about it but one, let's call him Mr. Perkins because that was his name, was a pain in the arse. _

_He would forget my name. He would forget how much he had to pay me. Worse, he would often forget that he had to pay me in the first place and kept threatening to report me for my extortionist tendencies._

_For a whole three months, I was Robert. I tried correcting him but he wasn't having any of it. He kept asking me why in God's name my parents had chosen Remus in an accusatory tone as though I had demanded they do so against their wishes. _

_I hated him._

_I think the feeling was mutual._

_I'd like to tell you that he and I never crossed paths again but I'm afraid that would be a lie. He appeared in the strangest of places._

_I started at sixteen as an underage barman (they were begging for staff) in the Oyster Catcher, a cocktail bar at the end of my road (hugely convenient). I lasted until nineteen, which isn't bad going when you consider my job history._

_It was there that I learnt how to spin bottles up and down my arms, pour three drinks at the same time and other handy life skills._

_It was there that I discovered my hidden talent for cocktail mixing. It was tremendous fun. I was bullied throughout Primary School by the same boy, let's call him Mark - you know why by now, and he and I became friends because I worked there with him. We were paid bare minimum wage and treated terribly._

_So we pissed in his drinks._

_No, I'm joking. We used to flick our cigarette ash in them._

_As usual, it backfired on us and Mark ended up driving us all to Accident and Emergency after T.A.B. (don't ask what it stands for, I refuse to repeat it. I wouldn't call him that but I have forgotten his real name) actually drank it. I had never been in a Muggle hospital since my birth and since I obviously didn't remember that, I was a little thrown._

_It had also been a while since I'd been in a car so I'd rather forgotten the etiquette (i.e. pointing at my seatbelt and asking what the hell it was for). _

_Morals:_

_Never resent people who hate you. You'll probably turn out to be great friends._

_Never prank your boss. It'll all end in tears and not all of them will be yours._

_Anyway, I left that and three months afterwards I was teaching. You will not believe this._

_Some Legislation had been passed that made it almost impossible for me to find work. Instead, I resorted to jobs in the Muggle world. I decided that I wanted to be a teacher. Now, not only did I not have any Muggle qualifications but I also couldn't teach the required subject because I had been yanked out of Maths lessons by a vindictive nun._

_As it was, I ended up teaching fractions to eight year olds. Or rather, a class of twenty eight year olds tried to explain how to subtract fractions. The blind were leading the blind. _

_You may be wondering how I managed to get the job. Well (I am not proud and nor am I ashamed), the Headmaster of this London school happened to be a Mister Terry Perkins and I took great pleasure in Confunding him._

_I lasted a year before I was fired because my students told their next teacher that we had done nothing much all year other than read 'Charlotte's Web' and attempt to guess the closest answer to two thirds minus a quarter._

_I do believe I have at some point, taught every Muggle subject under the sun. I learnt German one year. That was interesting._

_So never turn down a job. You really won't have the faintest clue what it'll teach you until you've learnt the lesson._

_I had to wait a long time but fifteen years after I'd expressed my deep desire to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts, I got the job._

_Alright, so it didn't work of my "furry little problem" but that's not the point. The point, Ted, is that you may have to wait a while but you'll get it._

_Your grandmother used to say that "You are never granted a wish without the power to make it come true". God bless her, she was right._

_Now, I do believe I have been far too sensible._

_Always, always, always, steal something from work to keep as a souvenir. As Sirius was fond of saying after he had stolen books, pens, mugs, the calendar and a tin of biscuits "If you're going to spend all day surrounded by valuable things and not nick stuff, there's no point going"_

_We used to dare him to take things (and when I say 'we' I mean James and Peter) that were a little out of the ordinary. He brought his boss' bin home once. After he was caught trying to smuggle the desk out, he was fired (which was just as well because the next step was his boss' husband). _

_So if you're going to do it, at least challenge yourself. Don't tell your friends, it won't end well._

_Try not to get arrested._

_Love,_

_Dad._


	24. Beards and Dragons

**Disclaimer: See Prologue  
****A/N: For Dee, who asked for an update. Tah-dah *jazz hands***

_Ted,_

_We're all different. Your mother's scared of the dark, Harry's scared of being scared and I am afraid of being found out._

_I hope you're not afraid of something stupid like Peter's fear of Friday 13__th__ or Sirius' fear of going bald. I hope that nothing scares you, Ted, but I know that's a bit pie-in-the-sky._

_Whatever it is, whether your phobia is of beards or dragons, I hope that you will face it head on. I did and it did me the world of good._

_As you know (or maybe you don't, maybe I never mentioned it) I was bitten when I was six by Fenrir Greyback (who I hope died roaring for a priest –not that I'm bitter), the most notorious werewolf in history._

_I had seen something out of my window that I am not entirely convinced wasn't planted there and stupidly thought I'd go and take a look. Now, not only was it in the wee small hours of the morning and on the outskirts of a forest, but I also knew what a full moon was. I mean, Dad worked in the Werewolf Capture Unit; Lycanthropy has always been a part of my life._

_So some people might call me stupid._

_In fact, there's no 'might' about it. I was stupid._

_As soon as I was bitten, my mother and father moved me away. Although they had originally moved for my mother to pursue a career as part of the Bristol Old Vic Theatre Company, we went back to Devon and she became a music teacher._

_She said she was happier anyway but there were some days when I didn't believe her. There were some days when I felt my stupidity had stolen her dream._

_My father fell ill when I was seventeen and he told me about what he had done to Greyback the day before I was bitten. He was a little vague about it. He wouldn't tell me what he said but it was apparently highly offensive. Greyback, knowing I was his only son, set out to bite me and make my father pay for his own ignorance._

_That's irrelevant. The important thing is that as soon as I found out, I wanted to go back to the forest. My father was too ill to take me but as soon as I could Apparate, there was no stopping me._

_It was under the 'I can't get there' excuse that I procrastinated for weeks. As soon as I passed, I had to go for appearances sake. I'd told all my friends I was going and I knew they would ask about it. _

_I didn't tell them anything. As soon as I'd been, I knew that I didn't want to._

_I Apparated into a little dark alley that I knew to be close to our old home and stopped in the back garden for a bit. I really hope no-one saw me. Anyway, after yet more procrastination, I went into the forest._

_I don't know what I was so afraid of. I was the most frightening thing in there._

_I'd been afraid of this place since I was six. I had been somewhat afraid of all forests since I was six. That's what I loved about Devon, it was all cliff tops and beaches and sea. There were no forests._

_As soon as I'd been there, I came to terms with my condition. I had had friends who didn't care for six years and no real experience of the prejudice. I knew people didn't like werewolves and wouldn't openly seek their company (I had read that bloody awful book for starters) but don't forget that the Anti-Werewolf Legislation hadn't even been discussed at that point so the real world was still a different place._

_I was afraid that the experience would make me hate myself even more than I already did. I can laugh about that now but at the time it was a very real fear._

_If you have to be afraid of something ridiculous like beards, grow one. If you have to be afraid of going bald, try out a shaved head. If you're afraid of being brutally murdered, just sit that one out._

_And if you end up afraid of everything (don't laugh, Pantaphobia is only too real for some people) then you're very lucky I'm not around to beat the sense into you._

_Whatever you're afraid of, it's probably irrational. Always confront your fears. If there is one thing I've learned, it's not to run. I would never have you if I hadn't confronted my fears and then where would I be with all that time to myself?_

_Love,_

_Dad_


	25. An Unexpected Meeting

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

There were three more letters sitting upon his desk; three. It didn't seem right. It was ridiculously unfair. Teddy knew nothing about his father; not really. He knew that he had an absurd fondness for marmalade. He knew that he craved sugar. He knew that he drank Earl Grey tea.

It wasn't enough.

He knew nothing about the man his father had been. He could make an informed guess from the letters but he had the strange feeling that his guess would be wrong.

"Ted, are you coming or not?"

He was startled out of his reverie and, throwing on a jumper that he knew Ginny would recognise as the one he had worn yesterday, he ran down the stairs, aiming for two at a time and concentrating on not tripping…or running straight into James.

"You shouldn't cross on the stairs," James called after him. "It's bad luck. You've cursed me!"

"I'll come up there and curse you in a minute if you don't stop distracting me!"

James appeared to take this threat a little more seriously than he would usually. He fell into silence and ran the rest of the way up.

Teddy grinned, having made it the whole way down a flight of narrow stairs and running no less, without making an arse of himself. Today was going to be a good day; he could feel it in his unbroken bones.

"Didn't you wear that jumper yesterday?"

"It's fine, Gin."

Ginny frowned slightly and eyed a small stain on the front. She licked a finger and grabbed the hem, scrubbing at it mercilessly.

Harry stared at her, unsure when she had made the transformation from his wife to his mother-in-law.

"Gin, I really can't see anything wrong with it."

"You're not looking hard enough."

"I hardly think that the whole of Diagon Alley will be scrutinising Ted's jumper."

"You never know."

It was then that Harry knew he would never get the last word for as long as he lived. He sighed and checked his watch.

"James!"

"I'm coming, Dad!"

"If you're not down here in five seconds, we're leaving without you. Five! Four!"

James careered down the stairs at an alarming rate and with a graceful flourish that Teddy was immediately envious of, jumped down the last three to land mere centimetres in front of his father.

By which time, Ginny had removed the stain from Teddy's jumper and was now scrutinising her own children in a manner that made Albus shift slightly further behind his father, wedged between Teddy and Lily. He would like to think that he was safe.

"So can we all be off?"

Not waiting for more protests of forgotten items from James, Harry grabbed his hand and practically frog-marched him into the fireplace.

By the time Teddy, who always flooed last to build up the courage to do so, had joined them, James had discovered that he was wearing odd socks.

"I just think that if you'd given me more time, I would have been able to change them."

Teddy grinned. James had been right. They were family, perhaps not in the conventional sense but eight year old logic would always win out.

"I need to go to Quidditch Supplies so if you want to come, James…"

The invitation hung in the air and James stared wide-eyed. Teddy Lupin, also known in some circles as God, had asked him to go with him to buy Quidditch stuff. He nodded vigorously.

"Ted, keep an eye on him; both eyes if you can," Harry warned. "If there's a hag needing child labour, you can bet she'll have her sights set on James. Things like that tend to happen around him."

And an hour later, Teddy had not lost James so much as James had lost Teddy. He had practically power walked behind a woman who could quite possibly have been a hag; although a very beautiful one at that, and that had been the last he had seen of him.

He had managed to grab hold of Teddy once but didn't want to reach for his hand. He was nine after all. Worse, he had clung on until he didn't know where he was.

Crowds jostled him. He wasn't sure how long he had spent there, waiting for God to return and take him to look at broomsticks. He wished he had stayed with his mother and father. Albus was probably eating at Fortescue's by now. James sucked in a breath and decided that on no account was he going to tell Al about this.

And there he was, in the distance. His hair flamed in the sunlight and not for the first time was James glad that Teddy was so tall.

"I just want to talk to you about my dad."

James nudged Teddy and was greeted with a brief smile of relief and an arm around his shoulders. He looked at the woman Teddy was trying to bargain with. She was remarkably pretty but old.

"I have nothing to tell you," she assured him. "I barely knew him; only through mutual friends."

"You knew him well enough that November, didn't you."

Her bright blue eyes blazed and for a moment James thought she was about to hit Ted, but she didn't. She merely hissed and pushed her greying hair back.

"I'm very sorry that you lost him. I'm very sorry that we all lost him. This really isn't a conversation for the middle of a busy street." She pulled out a torn piece of parchment and a peacock feather quill and hurriedly scrawled her address onto it before handing it to Teddy. "Write to me if you need anything specific. I'll answer as best as I can."

She rushed off, not even glancing back and Teddy knew she would not reply; not unless he pushed the right buttons. He smiled down at James. He had a marvellous plan, if he said so himself.

"I'm sorry, James. I should have checked you were keeping up. Sometimes I forget how young you are."

Leaving his arm around James' shoulders, he steered him in the direction of Quality Quidditch Supplies.

"Who was that?"

Teddy grinned. "You wouldn't know her, Jamie."

"Who was she?" James persisted. "I won't tell Dad if you tell me."

"Electra Nott."


	26. Peter Pettigrew

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

"He just followed her."

Teddy glared down at James and clenched his jaw. The boy had lasted a pitiful three days before he had broken beneath his father's questioning regarding James' lack of faith in the boy he had formerly looked upon as a God.

"Did you, Ted?"

Teddy nodded; there was little point in lying. "I heard someone shouting 'Electra' and I thought, how common is a name like that? I knew she would have answers about Anna so I followed her. I know I was an idiot. I know she might not have been the woman I was looking for but she matched my dad's description and I turned out to be right. I didn't mean to lose James in the process, I just lost my sense." He expected to be grounded for that at the very least. "I'm sorry," he muttered.

Harry nodded slowly. "Cleverer people have made stupider mistakes. Have you heard anything from her?"

Teddy nodded. "I have a letter. It's about my dad after Anna and um…if you want to read it, then I suppose you can."

He shook his head. "He would have told me if he had wanted me to know." Catching sight of Teddy's widened eyes, he added, "But he wanted you to know, you're his son. I imagine it's not the sort of thing he would have found easy to write about. He wouldn't have told you about her and been so elusive if he'd not wanted you to look for answers."

James ran beside Teddy along the corridor, unable to match his long strides. "I'm sorry, Ted! Really I am!"

Teddy sighed and swung round. "You know, James, when I say 'do you want to come with me', I don't mean to take you somewhere distant where no-one will hear you scream and then abandon you. Merlin, you're such an idiot."

He ran up the stairs and slammed the door. On the floor below, James bit his lip and hoped Teddy would see past his idiocy.

* * *

_Teddy,_

_You know of my three friends. You know what happened to us. At least, I hope you do or this is going to be one awful shock._

_Unfortunately, writing the name Peter Pettigrew means you can't get the full effect of sarcastic scorn that Sirius and I practised for almost two years. It's a shame; I'm just getting good at it._

_I met Peter for the first time in the dormitory. He was quiet, shy and his teeth were rather ugly. He didn't speak much and when he did, it was rarely to Sirius who had absolutely no time for him at all, or James who was known to myself and Peter as 'Mr. Popularity' because he believed James to be too far above him. _

_In fact, whenever Peter was forced by dire need to pluck up the courage to speak to one of us, he spoke to me._

_I don't remember him being at all odd. He was pleasant enough, endearingly ditzy and forgetful. He never appeared malicious or took pleasure in the pain of others._

_It's a hard fact to face but I believe we (and that means James, Sirius and myself) shaped Peter into the man he became. I believe we are at fault and indeed, entirely to blame._

_I am ashamed when I think of the manner in which we treated Peter. I had always thought myself to be something of a third wheel but I was wrong. I look back at photographs of us and we appear to be three and Peter. It's what I call "Forth Musketeer Syndrome"._

_He was bullied relentlessly by the Slytherins and later by his friends. It was through early torment that he came to hang round with us. Sirius pestered to go outside and James and myself, unable to refuse him for fear of being nagged to death's door, complied._

_It was a January night and none of us really wanted to be there. I'd be lying if I said I was thrilled to feel below zero temperatures on my skin. I couldn't wait to go back to the Common Room and I think, neither could Sirius._

_And then we heard screaming._

_Mulciber (ah, now we've heard of him before, haven't we) and Avery (who you haven't heard about but who was just as bad), were trying out some rather sinister curses on him._

_Bullied through most of my life, I stormed over and I suppose the right term is slapped Mulciber across the face with what I call a stick and what James said was in fact, half a tree._

_I have never been so foolish nor so proud of myself in my life._

_For some unfathomable reason, it made us all firm friends. Sirius and myself still fought like cat and dog, and Sirius still could not abide Peter. I think it might be apt to tell you that Sirius was just objectionable for a long time and leave it at that._

_We made Peter a Marauder and that's the point where Sirius claims we made the mistake._

_I disagree. _

_I believe that Peter was redeemable until years beyond our leaving school._

_You see, we didn't often include Peter. He wasn't one for sneaking about the castle at night under James' cloak. He wasn't one for swimming in the middle of November. He wasn't one for digging wells in the school grounds._

_There are only so many times that a person can say 'no' before they remain unasked._

_One thing that Peter did involve himself in was the bullying of others. I use the term loosely here. James would not tolerate the dark arts in any way, shape or form. He was not one of life's Mulcibers. _

_Unfortunately for Severus Snape, not only was he a greasy haired, nasty piece of work, he was a Slytherin and a Junior Death Eater. _

_He revealed my secret twice and for that, I find it very difficult to forgive him. I did, naturally. However, the resentment remains._

_Anyway, James and Severus were the bane of one another's lives. James fancied the pants off Lily (Severus' best friend – I know, don't ask) and I believe I knew that Severus was in love with Lily before he did himself. _

_Peter took this as an opportunity. When James and Sirius were taking the mick out of Snape, they weren't laughing at him. _

_I helped him in almost every subject and James always made a huge deal of this, as though Peter owed me something. I don't believe Peter wanted to become an Animagus and he was rather pressured into it through emotional blackmail. _

_Here I believe we made the first of many mistakes. _

_Peter was forever amending my Potions essays, slipping me the answers when Slughorn (who couldn't stand me) asked me for them and fixing my potions when they were at risk of injuring the majority of the population. _

_I owed Peter my E at OWL and no-one appeared to give a damn that he had passed three subjects exceptionally well (by Peter's standards). They all made such a fuss of me E and I never even thanked him for his help._

_That was the mistake. Not only had we hurt him, bullied him, thought him an idiot and abused him, but we had undermined him and I believe there sprung up an urge in Peter to prove himself to be just as clever as us; cleverer if he could._

_And he did._

_Please don't make the same mistakes. Keep your wits about you and I don't mean to get all Jesus-ish on you (as Sirius claimed I was prone to), but treat others as you want to be treated. _

_As always, you have my love,_

_Dad._


	27. Sirius Black

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

"James!"

James Potter's eyes widened and he froze in his seat. He turned to Albus and said, "For the first time in my life, I honestly don't know what I've done."

Albus shrugged. "He's not still angry about Dad, is he?"

"James!"

James groaned and bid farewell to his brother, telling him that he loved him deep down and that if he was not back in ten minutes, to call the Head of Aurors. He sighed and trudged up the stairs, peering round the doorframe of his own room.

"Yeah?"

"Come in."

James thought that being invited into his own bedroom was rather taking the biscuit but thought better of voicing this.

"James, I'm sorry."

James looked as though he was about to pinch himself. "What?"

"I've been a prat and I'm sorry."

James shook his head slowly. "No, you never apologise."

Teddy bit back laughter. "Yeah…well, I just have so…"

James nodded. "Okay. I'm sorry too."

"Good."

Teddy turned back to his desk and ripped open the next letter. Eventually he looked up at James. "You can go now."

"Can I stay?"

Teddy thought about this and after a few moments, shrugged. "If you want to."

_Teddy,_

_Sirius Black was quite possibly the single most irritating person to walk this good earth. He was also one of my closest friends._

_Now, logically, we should have stayed as far away from one another as possible. We were polar opposites and as a result, we'd spend the majority of our time squabbling in a rather petulant manner._

_We first met on the train to Hogwarts and he absolutely despised me. He claimed that it was because I came across as a "bit of a Peter" because I had a stutter. He practically interrogated me on that train. _

_He tried to separate himself from his family at the first chance he got but it was still fairly obvious that he was a Black. I told him my mother was a music teacher and had his eyebrows risen any further, they would have become part of his scalp._

_When we were sorted into Gryffindor, I could tell he was wondering what the hell I was doing in the house of the brave. I didn't take offence; I was wondering the same thing._

_You may be wondering how me and the Anti-Remus became friends. We had Charms last lesson the next day and Professor Flitwick had decided to sit us together. It was to be the decision that he and the rest of the staff, indeed at least half of the student body, would regret for the next seven years._

_I kept correcting his attempt at Levitation and as soon as he got talking to me, I think he pitied me. Whatever his reasons, he was the first friend I ever had and I am eternally grateful to him for the hell he put me through. _

_The first two years weren't so bad. We argued a little (a lot) and snapped at each other every Charms lesson we had. _

_In our second year, they discovered that I was a werewolf. Peter was terrified out of his very wits, James was wary but so incredibly nice about it and Sirius thought that it was the epitome of cool._

_He lost his temper when I tried lying and it was the first time we had ever fought at the kind of volume that made Peter close his curtains. It would not be the last._

_By third year, he was the biggest womaniser to hit Hogwarts and party personified. That boy was a hell-raising machine. He seemed to live to cause trouble. You see, by third year, he had discovered Electra Nott and co. and thought that showing off was the way to her heart. By this time, James was also trying the same thing with Lily and they just encouraged each other no matter what Peter and I tried to do. I gave up eventually, until Sirius asked Anna out to try and make Electra jealous. Then I put my foot down…on his face._

_I'm joking (or am I?)_

_Strangely, by third year, Sirius and I were getting on like a house on fire, as the saying goes (don't ask me what it means because I haven't a clue). We were exact opposites of each other. I spent my time in the library and he spent his in The Three Broomsticks with James. I studied and he tried winging it on the day. I was quiet and he loved nothing better than an audience._

_The only thing we had in common was a mutual love of causing absolute havoc._

_I never took credit for my greatest pranks because I would probably have been expelled had I done so. Everyone thought I was completely innocent in the matter and I was rather keen on maintaining my reputation as the sensible one. Peeves took the blame for most of my best work. It made him somewhat notorious._

_Sirius was so proud of his achievements that he often asked me to take photographs of him with them. I still have pictures of Sirius and James in front of a bright orange lake, in front of some rather interesting graffiti and even in front of a well in the grounds._

_That, Ted, is why Sirius spent so much time in detention. For Heaven's sake, please God mess about because if you don't, I will be forced to wonder if you are indeed my son, but do not have the stupidity to take pictures of yourself during the event and show them to anyone who will stand still long enough._

_He was quite possibly the vainest human being I ever met. One year, he got a spot. That's right; one spot. He wouldn't come out of bed and made me lend him my Aloe Vera skin cream (I had spots too alright, I wasn't a poof). When his voice was breaking, he refused to speak and wrote us all notes because he was too concerned that people would laugh at him. It was a shame because he obviously hadn't mastered non-verbal (we hadn't even been taught it) and sitting next to him in Charms (a subject that wasn't his best) became quite dangerous._

_In fifth year, he told a twelve year old Hufflepuff who had been stalking him, that I was his boyfriend so that she would leave him alone. That spread round the school like wild fire and I wanted to hibernate for six months._

_It was alright for Sirius, he was seen with a new girl on his arm every other day and everyone knew that he had been joking. Lucky Sirius._

_He thought the best way to stop the rumours was for me to get a girlfriend and went as far as telling Anna Lovett that I had been in love with her for five years when her boyfriend was with her. _

_Words cannot describe how much I hated him as I became the object of Colin McCormack's wrath. _

_It worked out alright anyway. Colin resorted to making suggestive remarks about my mother and calling her a handful of choice abusive names. This was the biggest mistake he ever made because Sirius had the biggest crush on my mother and soon afterwards, he directed a Bludger at his head that nearly got him thrown off the team._

_Guess who had to get him out of trouble yet again?_

_I had cursed McCormack to near death in a corridor after he called my mother a slut. I was chewing gum (as I did often back then) and sent two wads of it up his nostrils (the spell's 'Waddiwasi' and very useful – I did promise to tell you about it, after all). He had what Sirius chose to call a "funny turn" which meant he turned blue and nearly suffocated but I was happy to go with Sirius' diagnosis._

_Being Sirius Black's best friend automatically made me super popular. It made boys want to be my friends. It made girls want to date me. It made my life one long paranoid 'oh dear, do you know what I am?' frenzy. _

_Speaking of what I am, it was Sirius who made me feel infinitely better about it. He called them my monthlies which yes, made me feel like a total pansy, but made me laugh about my transformations._

_He was also the mastermind behind the planning of our monthly nights out. I obviously remember nothing but sensations. I remember them being fun but I remember none of the events. Every time I wanted to know, I had to ask Sirius which meant I had to struggle on with a somewhat exaggerated version of events in which we met a serious of threatening creatures that were (and I quote) "luckily, vanquished by yours truly"._

_However, there was another side to Sirius and it was a side I have never been very familiar with. There was a somewhat malicious streak in Sirius. It was more prominent than James'. While James bullied Severus, it was Sirius who was the bane of his life._

_I don't know what was said but one night, Sirius tempted Severus into following me into the Shack. Had he made it to the end of the tunnel, he would have been faced with a fully grown werewolf. _

_Thankfully, James stopped him. I dread to think what would have happened otherwise._

_I don't believe this was done with any intent. It wasn't until that summer that Sirius learned just how dangerous I was. He came with the others to stay for a week of our summer and I can't say I expected him to come._

_He found the room that I spent full moons at home in and the damage I had done to it was indescribable. I think that was the moment that he realised just how much damage I could do to a human being._

_I wouldn't allow him to be expelled. Hogwarts was the only means of escape that he had. I let him face the countless detentions because he needed to be punished and I had no power over those._

_We didn't speak for months. He thought I didn't want to speak to him so he kept out of my way and I assumed that our friendship was over so I didn't try to speak to him. We were as childish as each other. It took three months of being in school before he happened to find me in the Astronomy Tower and asked how I was before I realised how much it was hurting him. _

_After that, we became firmer friends than we had ever been. _

_After my father passed away, I wanted to move to London to be nearer my friends and Sirius, looking for somewhere to go, was rather keen for me to do so. Lily and James were living together and Sirius was starting to feel like a gooseberry so we ended up living in a small flat round the corner from James (much to his alarm, I'm sure) and it was mad._

_We had parties every other night after joining the Order. Suddenly, I had loads of friends and felt a strange need to spend all my time with them absolutely smashed and dancing as though I was on something._

_He was hell to live with. He tried making potatoes one night and I had to spend the next day scrubbing them off the Muggle way because there was no spell that would budge them. I didn't even get an apology._

_I was working in a Primary school and had to do my lesson plans every night before we saw friends or went out, and he thought it was useful to make as much noise as possible._

_He hated my Muggle music and trashed all my Buzzcocks LPs while pretending to orgasm with Electra in the living room after one particularly bad fight. That should give you some idea of what my life was like._

_In fact, now I'm creating the list, I wonder how our relationship survived his strange, irritating hobbies._

_I have not painted you a pleasant picture._

_Sirius:_

_1) made me feel loads better about my own family dynamics_

_2) brought out a dark and sarcastic side of my nature that gave me my sense of humour_

_3) apologised to Anna to make life easier for me_

_4) pretended to have a broken leg so I had an excuse for being late when Nancy was screaming at me, and spent the whole night in a Muggle hospital waiting to be X-rayed with us._

_5) befriended a prostitute in Amsterdam because Peter needed sex education_

_6) leant me an awful lot of money and never asked for any of it back_

_7) took me in when no-one else would take me_

_8) saved my life in 1980_

_9) bought me replacement LPs_

_10) picked me up and dusted me off after the Anna debacle_

_11) bought me a slab of chocolate bigger than my own head after a bad full moon_

_12) ate everything I put in front of him (and in the beginning, my cooking was atrocious)_

_13) gave me some immense chat-up lines_

_14) leant me his bike to make Nancy think I was cool_

_15) introduced me to your mother and made me pull my socks up_

_He was my dearest friend and a total arsehole._

_Even those you trust and love can do things that hurt you more than words can say, but they're always there to sort it out._

_I hope you have a Sirius in your life. Everyone needs one; it's a fact of life._

_Much love,_

_Dad_


	28. James Potter

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Thanks for such an amazing response to the last chapter. I'm starting to think I should have kept Sirius for last because I don't think I can top it.**

**Also, for all the Sirius fans who read this, the previous chapter's list is my next fic (**_**My Best Friend is…**_**) if anyone's interested.**

**Enough shameless advertising, on with the chapter! How many of you actually said that out loud? :)**

_Ted,_

_Perhaps the world's most tragic loss (with the possible exception of Marble Chocolate) was James Potter who ought to have reached at least 80 so we could take pictures of grey hair that really did look like a mop._

_He was Sirius but a toned down version. James had a sense of consequence and Sirius had no idea how to even spell it._

_James was responsible for a number of things:_

_Putting the idea of Nancy Clarke into Sirius' head_

_Introducing me to alcohol_

_The Animagii Transformations_

_Getting me drunk and putting rollers in my hair_

_That should speak volumes._

_90% of all harebrained schemes were the brainchildren of James. I say that as the creator of the Marauders Map (more on that later) so I sound a little hypocritical there._

_Speaking of the Map, it was James who was my only supporter when I sat down one Sunday morning (three a.m. and plastered) and said we should start work on the Map that Sirius had been saying we should write for weeks._

_Sirius stared at me as though I had told him I was in love with him. He even felt my forehead and threatened to take me to the Hospital Wing if I got any worse. Considering it was his idea, he wasn't terribly keen on it. Once it had been started, he was thrilled we were finally doing it. I told you he had issues._

_Peter kept squeaking about how dangerous it was and how it could easily be left around and then people would start asking awkward questions like 'where did you get this?' and 'how do you know all this?' that could betray our secret._

_He was right of course and had I been sober, I would have agreed with him and abandoned the idea. Being intoxicated, I was soothed easily by James' insistence that we would all be careful and use our nicknames so people might not guess who we were straightaway. It was also James' idea to use a password that would open and close it. He suggested 'I solemnly swear I am up to no good' and it sort of became our code of conduct. We always had to be up to no good ever after._

_You may ask where 'Mischief managed' (the closing code) came from. Good question. You may not have asked but I really want to answer that one as I never pass up on a chance to laugh at Sirius._

_It was his euphemism and one afternoon, as I was trying to think of a word or phrase that would hide the Map's content, he strolled up to me, slid down the tree and winked. I remember rolling my eyes and shortly afterwards having a sort of epiphany. The look on his face as I closed it was absolutely priceless._

_James appointed me as the chief creator because I was the Charms expert and this project required an awful lot of incredibly difficult ones that took me three months to figure out. The last one - the Charm that enables footsteps to move around the Map – took me all night to cast correctly let alone understand._

_James was frequently appointing people to do the majority of his work. Peter was chief researcher and note maker on Animagii Transformations (which just might be why it took them three years to achieve the goal) but I should say that he did more than his fair share and I am in certainly no position to be complaining. _

_James had decided that he and our friends ought to become Animagii after sneaking in to see me in the Hospital Wing as Madam Pomfrey brought me in. It was a particularly bad full moon and my arms were scarred for weeks afterwards. He saw the pulpy mess and decided that he was going to stop it. He had always been ambitious. _

_He tried to convince me to be become an Animagus too and had no luck whatsoever. It was illegal, risky and worse, my Patronus is a swallow and I didn't much fancy it._

_He spent the rest of year in the Library before lessons started, taking toast with him and reading. At first, he and Sirius kept it from me and Peter on the basis that I would disagree completely and Peter would tell everyone about it. I was utterly perplexed when James started skipping breakfast and worse still, opportunities to chat up Lily._

_He was fiercely loyal and disgusted that I knew everything about Animagii transformations from a book I had read in first year (for a completely different purpose I hasten to add), because he felt that I was disloyal to him for keeping it from him. _

_He was also irrational, although not quite as much as Sirius._

_There appears to be only one exception during our school years and this came in second year after a lesson on werewolves taken by a vile substitute who hated me because I was one._

_Peter planted the idea in his head and James became slightly paranoid by it, realising that my disappearances were always full moons. Hence why he called a meeting of the Marauders minus me, and told them my secret. _

_Sirius absolutely flipped, Peter almost had a panic attack, but James was strangely serene. He didn't stop Sirius barging into our dormitory and demanding the truth but he wasn't as angry as Sirius and was a great deal more forgiving when I explained why I had kept it from them._

_From that day, I was closer to James than I thought I ever would be to Sirius. I could share companionable silences with him. I could talk to him about anything. _

_It was James I told when I first realised I was in love with Anna. They all knew I had a crush on her but when I realised that I was willing to deal with McCormack's hatred of me to be near her, I knew I was in love. James, having felt the same way about Lily, was my best bet for advice._

_He took me girl hunting and – as though we were on some sort of sick safari – stroked two lines of mud across our cheeks, donned a pair of shorts in November and commentated on the whole affair as though he was David Attenborough. _

_We reached the Library when he said, "Bingo! Here we enter the territory of the Anna. Annas are native to the Library and Gryffindor Tower. The male Anna approaches and is ready to pounce."_

_With that, he pushed me into her and buggered off._

_Don't get me wrong, he was my best friend and I would have died for him, but God how he infuriated me._

_He saved Severus and for that, I am eternally grateful. He hated him but he risked his life to save him. For that, I admired him more than words could say. I used to wish I was James._

_I had no doubt that I would have been a better person had I been James. That was before I became a little more self-confident and realised that I could never be as vain as he was._

_I told you Sirius was vain. Sirius' level of vanity was no where near James'. He spent all his time fluffing up his hair and running laps of the Quidditch Pitch. I remember when the only thing he would eat was protein so he could build muscle. At one point, I was certain he smelt of bacon. _

_His vanity never really left him and it was Lily's pet peeve. He gave up being an arsehole for her but he refused to give up his hand-held mirror._

_Speaking of Lily, she was made a Prefect with me in fifth year and we quickly became friends. Like me, she was a bookworm, lived with a Muggle and was infuriated by Sirius and James. We had loads to talk about. The subject of James took up a whole evening on several occasions._

_After he saw us laughing together, I was called in as his chief weapon. I had to put a good word in for him every day. I had to make him out to be the best man for every job. I had to lie through my teeth and I am an appalling liar. I don't know how I did it but eventually, something must have got through – to James, not Lily. I gave up on Lily and started dragging James away from reflective surfaces._

_He realised how big his own head was when I explained the metaphor behind Lily cursing it so large that he could not get through the door and several people nodded along with me._

_For sheer cheek, I had to perform the counter charm and apologise profusely. _

_They started dating in seventh year and James spent his time, having managed to date her, trying to marry her._

_One memorable proposal ended with him asking me to play Lily while he practised for a second try. I was still slightly drugged on the euphoria that came with Anna and I believe that's what possessed me to agree._

_Sirius walked in just as James was declaring his love for me and neither of us ever lived it down. _

_Luckily, that came a long time after I crawled into bed with him when I was drunk, or Sirius would have had a field day._

_Speaking of which, James was the only one of my friends who would have allowed me to climb into bed with him without disgust. Sirius would have kicked me out for the leg room and Peter was far too prudish. _

_When I was given black-market Amortentia by Gemini, James was the one who took me to McGonagall so Sirius would be forced to cease his exploitation of me._

_When I was screaming in pain with a broken heart, James made me see sense. He even hugged me and he wasn't a 'touchy-feely' person. _

_When I was drunk, he put my hair in rollers and let me go round with them in all the next day._

_He was an idiot._

_He was my best friend._

_My advice, get a James and get one now. Try and find one who won't go within ten feet of a hair-roller though._

_Much Love,_

_Dad_


	29. A Failsafe Method

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

Teddy slowly lowered the last letter and bit his lip. He had allowed James to stay on the basis that he would not be upset or wish for more. He had never wanted his dad so much in his life.

When he had nightmares as a child, his grandmother or his godfather would comfort him. When he turned eleven, Harry had waved him off and hugged him when he returned for Christmas. When he had noticed a girl in his class, he had told Harry about it. The lack of his father had never before been a problem. Before he had read the letters, he had referred to his father as 'Lupin' and now, force of sudden habit, he was 'Dad'.

"Are you alright?"

Teddy took a deep breath and nodded, still unable to face James.

"You don't look alright."

"Well, I am so…"

_Get a James and get one now._

Teddy turned his chair. Even if he was infuriating, at least James cared. "I miss my dad."

James frowned slightly. "But how can you miss him? You don't know him."

Teddy's eyes flicked to the pile of read letters from his father in his desk drawer. The letter signed Mrs. Electra McCormack verifying all that his father had told him, was kept under practically lock and key. He smiled to himself. "I do know him, James. I just don't him in the conventional fashion. In fact, I might go as far as to say that I know my dad better than you even know yours."

James looked dubious. "What's his favourite colour?"

"Blue."

"What's his mum's name?"

"Emily or Emma, for short."

"What's his Quidditch Team?"

"The Holyhead Harpies."

James' eyes lit up. "Mum's team!" He bit his lip. "Alright, you pass."

Teddy laughed. "Thanks, Jamie. Look, why don't we go and find your dad. I've got something for him."

"What is it?"

Teddy rolled his eyes. "I was never this nosy. Where is he?"

James shrugged. "Maybe he's in the office? I could help you look if you like. I've got this failsafe thing that makes him come running. Albus!"

Al leant over the banister on the next floor. "What?"

"Come here a minute!"

Al frowned but did as he was told, slowly creeping down the stairs, narrowing his eyes as though sizing his brother up. It couldn't be too bad, he decided, after all, Teddy was there and Teddy never let anything bad happen to him.

Once he stood next to James, he was immediately and brutally pinched until he screamed.

"No, James! Ow! James! Stop it! Ow! Mummy! Mummy!"

James dropped his brother's arm. "You weren't supposed to shout for Mum. She'll kill me."

Albus rubbed the spot on his arm and winced. "Well, you were hurting me."

Teddy was too shocked to move. For the first time in his life, he was glad that his parents had not lived long enough to give him a sibling.

"Al?" Ginny called up the stairs.

James flung a hand in front of his brother's mouth and whispered, "Tell her to get Dad." Teddy was impressed. The boy would grow up into a criminal mastermind.

"Get Dad!"

"What's happened?"

"Get Dad!"

"If I come up there and-"

"Please get Dad or James will pinch me again."

James slapped his brother round the back of the head. "Albus, you're such an idiot."

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes, you are!"

"Oh for God's sake; both of you, shut up!" Teddy looked round, wondering where the voice had come from before he realised that it had been him. "Sorry."

After Albus had been elbowed in the ribs, James had been grounded and Ginny had narrowly escaped a mental breakdown, Teddy came to the conclusion that someone up there truly hated him.

"Harry?"

Harry looked up from his desk. "Evening, Ted. It's nice to see someone moderately sane. Is everything okay?"

Teddy bit his lip and nodded. "It's just…well, I'm going home tomorrow and I think there's something you should read before I do because I want to take it with me, if that's okay with you."

Harry frowned slightly. "Okay, now I'm worried. What is it?"

In his outstretched arm, Teddy held several pages of slightly yellowed parchment which he handed over to his godfather. "I just thought you'd want to read it."

Harry scanned the first page, speed reading and catching sight of_ hair that really did look like a mop_ and immediately knew that this was a letter from Lupin; a letter about his father. He nodded slowly. "Thanks, Ted. That's very good of you."

"And if you want it, there's one on Sirius too. That made for some very interesting reading."

Harry smiled to himself. "Yes, I imagine it did."

Teddy grinned back. "I should probably pack. James' desk is a tip at the moment. At least when I'm gone he'll be able to see the wood."

Harry winced. "From what I've heard, that's all he'll be seeing for quite some time. I honestly don't know where he gets it from."

Teddy laughed. "You really need to read that letter then."


	30. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: See Prologue**

**A/N: Well, folks, this is it. As always I'll do my thank yous to everyone who reviewed, favourited or even just read. I am really going to miss this fic, it's been my favourite one to write.**

Teddy meticulously sorted the letters into order and placed them neatly back in their envelopes while James (who had been bribed into it) searched for the electric blue ribbon that had tied them together.

James stood, waving the ribbon like a flag and grinning, obviously pleased with his victory. He leant over and frowned.

"Why haven't you opened that one?"

Teddy rolled his eyes. "I've opened them all, James. I've just put them back in the envelopes so they don't get lost. Honestly! I ask you."

James poked his tongue out and yanked the letter off the desk. "You licked them all back down, did you?"

"No."

He smiled smugly. "Then you haven't opened this one."

Teddy's heart leapt. "Alright, get on with the cleaning."

James sighed. "You're bipolish, I swear," he muttered, dragging his feet as he resigned himself to spending the last day of the holidays cleaning windows.

"It's bipolar," said Teddy. "And you'll never get anywhere if you carry on at that speed."

He waited until James was out of earshot before he tore open the envelope and grabbed the letter.

_Ted,_

_Obviously, I'll miss you and your mum. Other than that, I think the thing I'll miss most when I'm dead is being alive. I love life. I love the complete nutters that I seem to attract. Mundungus Fletcher, for instance, is someone I would normally cross the street to avoid but I'll miss worrying about his whereabouts and the lack of my best spoons. _

_You'd be surprised how many people don't feel the same way (not about Mundungus Fletcher - about life). I pass people every day who spend all their time staring at the pavement and frowning. Why? Honestly, what's the point?_

_I say this as one of those people who used to spend all his time staring at the pavement and frowning and when I started to look up, my life got so much more exciting. _

_Now don't misunderstand me, I meet a surprising amount of people who deserve to be scowled at, but what the bloody hell did the pavement ever do to these people? I keep wanting to ask but the time never seems right._

_Ted, the fact is that you can spend all your teenage years doing it and get away with it but as soon as you hit your late twenties, you have to decide whether you want to have wrinkles in five years or not._

_I've been lucky. I have a beautiful wife, a selection of clinically insane friends, a gorgeous son with amazing hair who is going to be the new King of Kooky, a very special cat, and one of the world's most interesting and dangerous jobs._

_I didn't always used to think that way. I remember asking Peter at fifteen, whether he thought I was cursed. I used to think that my life was one long string of bad luck. I suppose it was to a certain degree._

_But here's the strange thing, if my father hadn't been walking through a car park, my mother would never have met him. That's a bit lucky, don't you think?_

_If my mother hadn't failed her art exam, I wouldn't have been born. _

_If I hadn't been born when I was (i.e. if my mother had passed her exam) I wouldn't have met James and Sirius._

_If I hadn't have been forced to sit next to Sirius that first day, I would never have met your mother._

_If Anna Lovett hadn't liked the look of me when she was eleven, I would have been dead seventeen years ago._

_If Harry had kept quiet about seeing Peter on the map, I would never have known the truth and Sirius would have received the Dementor's Kiss. _

_If your mother had had less determination, we wouldn't have had you._

_Now don't you think that's quite a lot of sheer luck?_

_I've got a lot else to be thankful for too. I've never heard the words 'Dad, I'm calling from the Police Station' (which would be something of a miracle as you are only six weeks old) or 'Welcome to IRA Headquarters, please state your name and address, you jumped up English bastard', I still have all my limbs, and I grew up with The Beatles and The Who and Queen and a whole list of other superb musicians who are infinitely better than The Weird Sisters (please tell your mum I said that because now I'm dead, I no longer fear her). _

_Re: last statement. If I am not dead and you have found this in the attic, do not breathe a word of that last sentence or I will be forced to hide behind you and that is not something that any child should see their father do._

_Anyway, I love even the bad days and I'd like you to feel the same way. If you do everything right first time then you never learn anything and your life gets very boring. Remember, every day must end. When I was having a bad day, I'd say to myself 'Remember, Remus, soon this will be over and you will be in bed'. I love bed. Nothing can go wrong when you're in bed (after the age of about sixteen and so long as you're alone)._

_I can't complain. Lycanthropy has not taken over all aspects of my life. My childhood was not populated by hairy pirates, gypsies or half-formed goblins. My parents didn't lock me in the cellar and call me 'It'. _

_While I'm on the subject of my parents, I hope you grow up surrounded by people like them. When I say 'I can't complain', I mean that I had the best childhood I could ever have hoped for. I grew up in Devon with cliffs and seas to explore and honestly, I loved it. I'm writing this in my dad's old office in the attic and I hope you still live there (not in the attic – that would highly suspicious)._

_When I was eight, we had a Measles epidemic. People were terrified of catching it. People died from Measles and the young were especially prone to it. I used to wonder what all the fuss was about. I didn't even know we were supposed to be afraid. That is how laid back my parents were. The only person worse than my father for the old classic of 'Ah, it'll all work out in the end', was Sirius who not only stopped to smell the roses but planted a few on the way._

_You are related to both of them. I already fear for you. God bless you, child._

_Christ! I sound like Sister Matic!_

_And on that note, Ted, I think it's time we go downstairs. You're yawning at me and I have turned into my Primary School Headmistress. Yes, I think it's high time we went to bed, kid._

_Over and out,_

_Dad._

_Mischief well and truly managed._


End file.
